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Discontent and Lack of focus before/after
I am unfocused today, which on Friday the thirteenth may not be a good thing.
I am not, nor have I ever been, triskadekaphobic. Superstitions are as illogical as Marlon Brando on a three-o'clock (a.m.) food binge. Mad calls and bad decisions. But I am a firm believer in self fulfilling prohecies, and should someone on the road next to me become gripped by a triskadekaphobic fervor, acting out of a belief that his number is up, who is to say he won't inadvertantly take me with him in some strange traffic incident or otherwise unpredictable manner.
There is simply no accounting for random weirdness out of left feild and freaks with bad ideas. They come from unseen positions and we have no way to be prepared for it.
*sigh*
Life is long, and I have much for which to be thankful. I need to remember that.
I had concerned myself yesterday by debating contenedness. I had thought that I was content. Then I noticed a trend in myself towards being restless, perhaps as my reaction to my perception of being content, and thoughts that I may never be content, eternally restless because of this process.
To make matters even more confusing, I thought that perhaps I was restless, by thinking I was content, because what I have in my life is not nearly enough, or the right level of living, with which to be content.
This, strangely enough, makes sense to me. At least until I reach a place in my life where I have absolutely no reason to feel anything but content, and instead feel my usual restlessness nature again.
But I love and live, and this is okay, whichever way, to be dealt with on another day.
Yeah, I know that's a tangled mess of thought. Smoked down last night so its to be expected.
Need to buy, beg, borrow, or steal some focus from somewhere, and stop this maudlin meandering.
So much to do. So much for which to be thankful.
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