Anyway, I got this letter from an old friend. Her name is Betsy. Our families were always close. She and I never hooked up or anything (never will) , but there was always a sexual tension between us. Looking back, it probably had more to do with hormones, and the fact that she's a flirt, 'cause really, she's more like a sister to me. Shrewd girl...just not too book-smart. And now she's married.

So she sends this form letter thing with all her cutsey, domesticated little answers in it, that I'm sure you all have received at some point in some fashion. I usually just delete it when I get it. I hate chain style letters, regardless of the intent, and my friends realize that if they wish to know anything to simply ask me.

That, and I hate cutesy foo-foo type shit.

So here is my reply...in prick mode.

> 1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT?
> With two friends in a phat house...jacuzzi, two fire
> places...babe lair.
>
> 2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
> none.
>
> 3.WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? young elvis
>
> 4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
> board games suck. fuck em' all.
> 5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
> playboy (shannon elizabeth issue! Same one, over and
> over...)

> 6.FAVORITE SMELLS?
> Wet vagina
> 7.FAVORITE SOUNDS?
> A girl moaning in orgasm in my ear...what else? Duh.
> Oh, songs I wrote, too. Tie.
> 8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD
> Browbeating 16 year old punks for weed, and then
> realizing its a gang.
> 9. THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN
> THE MORNING?
> I could hang myself and not have to go anywhere.
> 10. FAVORITE COLOR?
> blue
>
> 11.HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
> 2
> 12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
> hah. Never think of it. Don't want to.
>
> 13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
> Family, Friends, Money, Drugs, Sex, Music/Art,
> Spirituality
>
> 14. FAVORITE FOODS?
> NY Strip , baked potato w/ sour cream, Baked Alaska,
>baby harp seal on a spit, otter

15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
> Vanilla
> 16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
> Yes but I don't ususally, except this weekend when I
> did over ninety on HWY 6 and didn't notice. Since I
> got new rims and alignment, my car runs well.
> 17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
> Fuck no. Cumstains are a bitch to get out.
> 18.STORMS - COOL OR SCARY
> Cool
>
> 19.WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
> 1964 pontiac tempest...for a little while
>
>
> 20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE?
> jesus. Then he could raise people I really wanted to
> talk to.
>
>
> 21. FAVORITE DRINK?
> jack and coke
>
> 22.WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
> Cancer
>
> 23.DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
> I don't eat broccoli
>
> 24.IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD
> IT BE?
> Publisher of Playboy. Hell yeah.
>
> 25.IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR?
> Black, I guess. Don't think about it.
>
> 26.EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
> Sure. many times a day.
>
> 27.IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
> time for another drink
> 28.FAVORITE MOVIES?
> Dirty Dozen, High Plains Drifter, Bimbo Bowlers from
> Buffalo
> 29.DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
> yes.
> 30.WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
> this chick's panties that I don't talk to anymore, so
> they will STAY there until I have a reason to get rid
> of them...or use them as a cum rag.
> 31.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
> Don't have one.
> 32.FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
> hockey.
>
> 33.SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS
> TO YOU.
>
> Betsy used to be pretty and have a sense of humor. But
> being married and living in --------- has changed all
> of that, I'm sure. (Oh yeah, she'll have those
> mid-michigan/--------- thighs after squeezin' a few
> out, you know what I'm talkin' about...Those nasty
> assed winters, man. Chicks go nowhere and do nothing.)

Her reply was sweet. Reminded me of how we used to bicker as kids, and she'd loose her temper, cause she was always lost battles of wit with me. Then she'd lean over and smack the hell out of me. It always surprises me how well my old friends know me, and how to handle me.

Let me tell you something jay. I'm still that hot thing that used
to
smack your ass and no I don't have those Mid-Michigan thighs that you think
chick gets!!! You haven't changed have you!!!!

Miss ya
Betsy