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Another Tuesday, Nothing Special before/after
Played open mic at 'the Park' tavern last night.
Got a lot of applause after our first tune, but the subsequent songs were less well received for various mundane reasons, not the playing, but perhaps they were too mellow for that crowd, after a raft of mellow tunes by previous muscians. My brother stopping to re-tune after the first song didn't help at all.
Lots of hotties there, but my flirting skills are still missing, most likely due to that one harsh acid trip. I'm still being too hard on myself, so I guess I'd rather be quiet.
Maybe its not that I've lost my flirting skills, but that I'm tired of the superficial song-and-dance. I still have said skills, I believe, but find it all to be rubbish and bullshit at this point. I'd rather KNOW someone, than find someone who likes my patter, and can dish out the same.
Looking at it all, a girlfriend, the Right Girl, just isn't in the cards for me right now, and that's okay. Perhaps I'd just rather have someone who is cool to hang, and have fun with, do things, other than something deeply passionate. It all can be had in good time.
And, well, there's Always Drugs To Fall Back On.
On the lighter side, Shelia was at the gathering Sunday, and I managed to speak more than one or two sentences to her. Not much more, but I still need my space from her. Probably always will, in a physically intimate sense, anyway. She has many, many issues, and is a selfish lover. I have never had more unfulfilling, unrewarding sex with anyone in my life, and have no desire to ask someone to change to suit me. She probably would, but it would be cruelly unfair on my part. She needs someone who fits her better.
I hugged her goodbye when I left the party on Sunday, but flinched away from a kiss, so as to leave no false hope. We parted as friends, I believe, although we discussed nothing, really. I do not regret the fling. Better now than making a worse mistake later.
I guess chicks that ride motorcycles aren't as cool as I thought.
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