MTV is freaking me out.

First, they have this show which is all about midgets.

Midgets scare me. And there is nothing worse than a troupe of midget clowns, or really, after watching this show, midgets in outlandish costumes all together, especially midgets in outlandish costumes driving minature electric cars.

(And then there was a part about Rebecca Romaijn wanting to hire a midget stripper for her husband, Jon Stamos, for his birthday, as long as said dwarf stripper was not "butt ugly."

Somehow, the Apocolaypse has arrived, and I am, sadly, not a part of it.)

Then they tout a show for the kids called 'Becoming', wherein normal folk are selected to 'become' their favorite pop stars.

This offends me greatly.

Maybe its because the people at MTV have fashioned a show that espouses the value that these talentless corporate whores are somehow better people than say, you or I.

I may not amount to much in this life, but I DO have integrity.

So fuck you through and through, mindless shill for the banal.

Who do I want to become?

Me.

And that is a handful enough for me today.

Midget strippers. Fuuuuhhhck. That's decadence on another level. Not only do I want to debase you as a woman, and buy your self-respect for a dollar value, I want to make you feel bad about your genetic situation in life, because really I'm just exploiting you for my own decadent sense of humor.

I only desire your compnay to exploit and degrade you for my amusement.

The dwarf seemed on the edge of tears. Poor little freak. 

I'm not sure of the dollar value for that kind of act, but I believe it would take monumental balls coupled with copious cash just to broach the idea.

And, lastly, MTV is promoting the hell out of another seventeen year old girl.

I AM only a man, MTV. You don't need to do that to me.

And this was something that amused me.

There was an article in the newspaper about a citizen who owned a 1940 phantom, which is a excellent antiquity of an automobile, which was previously owned by Mickey Rooney.

That guy was sure proud of that car.

And Mickey Rooney came to town to do a show!

So, said citizen drives his rare and expensive collectors item down to the show. Parks on the sidewalk in front of the theatre.  Puts it on proud display, with a sign that reads, '1940 Phantom, previously owned by Mickey Rooney.'

In fact, he had his wife call the theatre ahead of time, to let them know he was coming, and bringing his special car.

Item in the news the next day: Mickey Rooney shows no interest in car that he sold off in the forties.

Pricked out by Mickey Rooney.

I had to laugh.

The guy was all disappointed.

"Oh No! I didn't get to meet Mickey Fuckin' Rooney! I will live the rest of my short span out in feeble desparation, trying to stumble through this fugue into death with a modicum of grace! How I don't know!"

Mickey fuckin' Rooney.

You got pricked out by Mickey Fuckin' Rooney.

This amused me. 

Might as well start lusting after the supple seventeen year old Mandy Moore. Why not? MTV says its allright.

And yeah, Mickey fuckin' Rooney WAS the world's biggest movie star, theatrical star at one point in his life. Back around World War One.

And apparently, in his aged mind, that fact hasn't changed since.

C'mon! You peaked! Its over! DIE!

Its not getting any better for you.

Sometimes people should just lay it down, that's all that I'm saying.

Mickey Rooney is just another cranky old fuck.

Pricked out by a curmogeonly geriatric. Wow. Who would have' seen that coming?

Then, of course, there is the other side of the coin.

I've owned several cars. Sold them. Bought something better.

Don't show up with one. I don't give a fuck.

I terminated. I no longer care.

Take that hunk of shit away from me.

Its why I sold it in the first place.  I wanted it gone.

The best revenge would be to load that car up with as many clown midgets as it could carry, lure old Mick out on false pretenses, and have the midgets swarm out of the car like a hive of angry bees at him.

Prick me out, will you? Take that.

Old motherfucker.