Monkey Man Sighted In Denver

Reuters/Associated Press, Denver, CO

5:24 p.m.

The mysterious creature known as the "Monkey-Man" was sighted in a local Denver gym on Wednsday.  Acccording to reports, the creature was benign, and eventually put on a shirt.

"I walked into the locker-room, and I was all like 'Holy Christ!  The Monkey-Man!', but I didn't say anything, because he can sense fear."  said local man Argentum, age 26.

Previous reports had placed the Monkey-Man as wreaking havoc in the New Dehli area of India, causing three deaths and numerous injuries.

Reports also claimed that he moved like an animal, leaping from roof to roof in New Dehli, and frightening small children.  This is the first known sighting of the Monkey-Man in North America and in the metro Denver area.

Local police had no comment.

Yesterday at the gym, I saw a guy with one of the hairiest backs I've ever seen.

Like an ape. It was horrible.

I walked into the locker room, and monkey-man was rooting around in his bag, probably looking for a banana or some tender bamboo shoots, and I nearly exclaimed,

"Holy Fuck! That's a hairy motherfuckin' back! What the fuck is going on with you? God-DAMN! Fuckin' Lookityou! Its like a coat."

But I didn't think that would've been the nice thing to say, so I averted my eyes and went about my business.

It was a close call, but I managed too curb my impulse.