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Rattlesnake Venom Junkie before/after Rattlesnake holder in the White House...mainlineing venom in the parking lot, just like the good old days...Our days will be filled with repression, and our nights spent dodging the Attorney General, peeking into our bedrooms...
I learned today that Ashcroft is Pentecostal. Meaning he speaks in tongues with flame shooting from his head. Impressive. Couple that with the rattlesnake holding, and this will make the Morning cabinet meetings rather interesting. You know Ashcroft is hardcore...down from the beginning. He's out there, in the parking lot after the service, mainlining rattlesnake venom with the preacher like a junkie, in search of his Holy fix. I can see it now...Crowds of people, standing around, like gamblers throwing dice, the general hub-bub and chatter interrupted by someone frantically dodging a dripping venomous bite, occaisonally punctuated by a scream as some poor slob is bit. "Not a problem," says Reverend John A., moving to the fore and practicing the ubiquetous 'laying on of the hands'. "By faith in the Lord, the Body will Rise Again." And if it doesn't? If that poor son-of-a-bitch's luck has run out? Well, his FAITH wasn't strong enough. It was GOD's WILL they'll say. And you don't mess around with God's Will, brother. Not if you want to live in MY town. Which, for Ashcroft, is Washington, D.C., now. Or all of America. He will speak in tongues and set the stationary aflame with tongues of fire from his forehaed. George will light his cigars from the conflagaration. And Ashcroft WILL invite Bush the Junior to his church. Will Little W. have the courage to face the snakes? To mainline venom in the parking lot? No. NO I tell you, he will not. He doesn't have the courage, nor the STAMINA. Bush the Junior speaks in tongues, and has seen tongue of flame spring from his forehead already. But he cannot handle the ratlesnake treatment. It is a bitter pill to swallow, and Junior just won't do it. He's much more comfortable with sniffing, and venom doesn't come in powder form to suit his aristocratic tastes.
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