Almost an Epiphany
2001-02-02 - 21:53:59

before/after
strangely non-functional guestbook

I am all over the fucking place today, but in a good way.

I just challenged our 17 year old female intern to a fight. She declined, and I heaped aspersions upon her character.

Little wuss girl.

I am a natural, always have been, but I am also cognizant of my moods and prescence.

I almost had an epiphany yesterday as I sailed down Alameda in my black on black '96 chevy monte carlo(ALL THE OPTIONS), with the moonroof open and the music blaring. It occurredto me I have been far to preoccupied with my moods, and not with my prescence.

And, being unconcious of my prescence isn't necessarily a good thing for me.

I mean my place in this whole human heartbeat, and in the lives of others, those I love and like, those around me, those whom I chose to touch, and who chose to touch me.

I forget that I can freak people out with what I do and say. Like I've been verbally bitch slapping people around, although I've meant it mostly in good humor, its partly the product of me dwelling in my cerebellum and not caring if my whims drive others to distraction.

Those who know me understand. To others, its just babble and arrogance

I feel so good, I probably shouldn't smoke pot tonight. But reality of it all is, I most likely will see Shelia, and want a thourough coating of THC to deal with whatever bad craziness sparks in her eyes. I am not concerned either way, but it will certainly be way more amusing to me if I'm stoned.

Plus I love to smoke the greenery.

Don told me he's a nervous person last night at 12:30 a.m., as we were hooking up the stereo/tv/vcr/tuner/eq/recordplayer mess. This is good. I thought I was scaring the hell out of him. I was trying to be a calming influence.

I'll tell you about work tomorrow, and I leave here now, on a course for debauchery and good times, finding the joy and love of life, looking for the good and the beautiful, searching for the Right Girl, smiling the most when my friends talk about nothing, being human. I may find only the most hallow of experiences in my search, but I will have a good time doing it.