Anyway, here I sit, on which is arguably a "saturday" night of my three day weekend, not engaging in any carousing, debauchery or surreal badness, which , in turn, seems to be the strangest thing of it all.

Just a quiet night with me and my dog on loan, as I sit and smoke my marlboros, contemplating the weekend and life in general.

Life is not Bad, which is to say its not Great, could be Better, but certainly isn't as Bad as it could be...go to Thailand and check out the twelve year old brothels and you will see what I mean.

Not that I've been there, decadence combined with outright perversion has never been my type of stiff drink...but ah well, those bastards on both sides have dug their own sickening graves. Who's to say capitalisim is an out-and-out good thing. Not you or I, I suspect...and freewill is a bitch, to sum up some of Uncle Kurt's themes, and some people are flat out better off without it.

I had a drunk entry all prepped to go last night, until some bizarre type of server crash nixed the whole deal...which may have been a good thing. Maybe not. I certainly didn't like being deprived of my basic freedom of speech, and thusly freewill, but dealt with it nonetheless.

So...last night. Hung out with my brother and his fiance, as well as the guys. We went to "The Bank" which is a new bar on the scene. The girls dress sweetly and provacatively, which lends a nice tableaux to an otherwise non-descript place. My brother described it as "...Bennigans without the flair."

So we left after the two-for-one special ended and went to the Goosetown Pub, our home away from home. Flirted with some girls...nothing big. Walked out on my tab accidentally, but came back. No one said a word.

While there I flirted with a cute blonde girl. When I walked in we bantered a bit, and she admonished me to tell her later,"...when your having fun. Let me know."

So, later in the night, I did.

me:"Excuse me. I just wanted to let you know that I was having fun."

she(brightly, sweetly):"Really!"

me(solemn):"Yes."

she:"How much fun would you say you're having?"

me:"I would say I am having a veritable 'barrel of monkies'..."

she: puzzled look

me:"...on ether."

she: serious confusion

me:"...A whole BARREL of...monkies...all on ether...a BUNCH of em'...in a barrel?...monkies...it's...I'm... having...yeah,fun."

Stumble, stumble, stumble. So not me, and me at the same time.

Her friends had been getting ready to go before this, and saying their goodbyes, and started to call her.

She:"Oh. Okay. I'm GLAD. Really."

Me:"Thanks."

She:(non-chalantly):"Hey, my friends are leaving, I gotta' go, but I just wanted to tell you...you are SO gorgeous. *sigh* I probably should've told you earlier."

Mr. Cool, blown right out of the saddle.

Then she sidled up and gave me one of the warmest, sexiest hugs by a complete stranger I have ever gotten, her perky breasts pushing up on me, the heat of her body, fine curves all around, absolutely blew me away.

We expressed our hopes of meeting again, and said our goodbyes.

I will never see her again. Confidence is about the sexiest thing on this planet.

And I cursed motherfucking regret for not getting her number, setting up a date, trying for a kiss...something. Anything. There is little I despise more than regret, and strive to avoid complicity whenever I can at almost all costs. If I think I will regret something later, then I reach down and grab ahold of some intestinal fortitude and DO it, even at risk of serious pain or embarassment. It is nothing compared to the beating my super-ego lashes out later when my toes are under my blankets and I stare blankley at the ceiling, repeating the endless mantra"...What the FUCK...WHY didn't I...I SHOULD have..."

But she was gone. Dammit all. She definitely could've been the Right Girl, and at the very least, deserved futhur investigation, if not exploration. But the exploration might just be my ravenous libido raising up on me once again.

Still and all, she made my night. Its been too long since I encountered a Giver and not a Taker. It blew me away.

Still haven't called Shelia, despite her calling me twice. Probably should, but goddam, its been a hell of a long time since I've been alone. If she even understands me a whit, she'll be okay.

Everybody needs a break from the human pile every once in a while to gather sanity and serenity.