Do not make

for the gentlest of days.

And when I found your eye,

So many, many years ago,

You knew it was right

And I...I wept inside,

As I kissed girl after girl after girl after girl

Knowing that they would never

Turn to become

like you.

One was all

I ever did need.

And now,

Things thicken and stop,

quicken and hop,

herky-jerk,

as we all race towards the finish line,

time will soon have us...

and what then?

Reprobates and losers abound,

And I will not be found,

with the dregs and unwashed

or the trust-funders and neuvo-riche.

I will walk my way,

dance to the beat of my own drum,

And fuck anybody,

With what they think,

what they want,

and what they say.

The magnolia blossoms

Drooped and fell,

Covering the ground

with their plummage,

One I never told you,

As petals twirled and fell,

Mellow sweet, pink-white, silver,

Growing, falling, being old,

a part of the circle of it all,

A tree.

A tree for you and me.

Set to flower,

On our anniversary,

And I would scoop you up,

Into my arms,

As you giggled in delight,

To take you...

to a bubble bath,

a trail of roses,

scent of sandalwood

A big tub,

Big enough to fit,

filled with perfume and magnolia,

And you,

With your clear eyes so bright,

And challenging ways,

your ceasless gaze,

And love so confounded,

And ways so grounded,

it must be right,

Soul-mates for life.

Of them all

you walked,

not in back,

not in front,

But beside,

through my adventures,

malestrom of existance,

made softly sweet,

by your now lost beauty of body,

but not of soul,

of heart,

of mind.

I know you got wet,

the last time I saw you,

Pushed up,

hips against you,

as you giggled and lay,

compliant, loving,

knowing that I wouldn't hurt you,

Or damage the world to which you came.

Knowing that I loved you still,

In a way that's as old as time.

But not to be for you or for me,

Us together? Never!

But a love, an understanding,

as sweet as the sweetest of wine.

Of the three, I'm fighting with one, one won't talk to me(presumably for the rest of my life, for some reason which I can't figure out and she won't tell me), and the other is a dear friend. Fuckin' A' I am CURSED. But those are the three that I have truly loved, in the most full meaning of the word.

*sigh*

If I had to pick one, I'd choose the girl who won't talk to me anymore(lol, apropo, if nothing else. For the longest time I only chased the ones who ran away...). I loved her more than the rest combined. But we had a LDR and she wasn't too good at communicating her feelings and needs, and I gave up communicating my feelings and needs, so that showed up in bed and things got fucked up. She was so close to being the Right Girl, if only she had communicated with me a little more...well, we'd probably be taking that bath. Not necessarily NOW, as the figid snow falls in heaps from the sky and pushes up the mountains...but you know what I mean.

*sigh*

I suppose I should call Shelia. I know she's not the Right Girl, but she is a Friend, and I know she needs love(and loving). And knowing this going in makes a difference, I suppose. I don't know if she understands this or not.

Really, I feel so beat down by yesterday, I could Give A Fuck. Besides, she got off, and I didn't. That's Classic Taker Behavior, and really unnatractive. Teamwork is essential. Especially in bed.