Well, there's a lot of answers to that one. Metaphysical and physical, I guess, as I root through my subconcious for answers, and only coming up with the strange dreams I had last night, like being in line to buy a pack of smokes at seven eleven, and only coming up with a buck fifty in change.

Last night was boorish and classic, in a way. Much like Las Vegas, the glitz and the glam only disguise my battered soul. I strive on, and survive. Of all my skills, this seems to be paramount: whatever happens, I survive.

No plans for this unexpected 3-day weekend. Per usual, if I have plans, things get out of hand, and if I don't they border on the surreal.

The word serene just floated through my head, like so much junk that passes through with the drift of the wind, a glint of scintillation in the maelstrom that is my mind.

We went bar hopping, but stayed away from our home turf. I'm coming to the realization that if I don't have psychadelics, then I shouldn't be at a club. Its the blinding sensitivity to the lovable mass of humanity that brings me back. And the perfection of form of being guys, out on the prowl, up for whatever.

Don and I had that perfection of form. At one point, when we stopped at one club to 'get the lay of the land' so to speak, just chatting and laughing, I felt as the world was mine. We both had girls we were going to approach, and stopped and stood and laughed, surveying the scene.

Don: "...Yeah, there's this girl over there that I want to talk to."

me: "Really. I want to talk to the girl being cornered by a group of three guys over there. Where's yours?"

Don: (dead-pan)"Behind the guy with the...baldness...problem, over there."

And we laughed. We both have a twisted sense of humor. And in between the laughing, both the girls we looked at, looked up, and caught our eye, and smiled. I felt young, foolish, perfect.

But the rest of the guys wanted to leave so we kept rolling.

Went to another place, a high end club in governors park. I sat and brooded while they furtively did coke at the table.

mmmm. No thanks. No. Really. NO. What? WHAT? *sigh* Oh...alllriiight. Just a little bit.

I fucking hate uppers, but I hate sobriety on a friday night more than anything, apparently.

So, wired tight, we hit another couple of bars. Finally hit a local joint, where I flirted across the room with a cute little girl in a red sweat-shirt. She caught my attention when I walked in the door. I watched her friend lean over and whisper, "That guy over there is checking you out."

Shyly, she started watching me, and I, of course gave her ample opportunity. I believe in glances, not long stares.

Gradually, we made eye contact, and shared sweet, silly smiles. Is this the one?

Then Shelia walks in the door, and the night starts to take an unexpected turn. I was still trading smiles with Little Red Riding Hood, as my friends grabbed me to go to the Goosetown, our home away from home.

We had a few drinks there, and went to Jer's apartment. Shelia tagged along, somwhat down because her best friend leaves for Paris today.

At some point, we were alone on the balcony looking out at the stars over Denver that melt into the city. She was bemoaning her loss of friends.

she(sadly, puppy dog-eyed): "Just don't let me become a hermit, okay?"

me: "Don't worry. You have friends." I said, sidling up, rubbing her back, offering comfort.

Our eyes met, I pouted my lips very slightly, and tilted my head, offering a kiss for friendship, comfort.

And she laid one on me.

I gave my keys to roomie, and drove her car home. On the way, out of curiosity, I suppose, I offered up another kiss, and she came on enthusiastically.

Shelia (sultry): "I've wanted to do that for a long time..."

So we went to my place and made out all night. The human closeness was nice. She's not the Right Girl, though. I did make her come a couple of times, and that's all well and good. Reciprocation would've been nice. But I guess I don't care. Its all part of the quest and the games girls paly. I just wanted her to feel good. In the meantime, I suppose I drift to the old patterns of fooling around with girls I know, friends regardless, secrets kept.

Except here. No one I know has this address.

I am disturbed to think, that perhaps, I may never find the Right Girl. Thought I did once a few years back, but I guess I was wrong, and that's okay.