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Maple Syrup Junkie before/after
Its confession time again.
*sigh*
I'm not sure how to approach this.
But I feel a need...I feel a need to let the guilt go.
*shudder*
So, I guess I'll just say it.
I drink maple syrup straight from the bottle.
Golden Griddle is good. I like Mrs. Butterworths the best (now with X-TRA buttery flavor!) but Log Cabin can do in a jonesy pinch.
Just a shot. One shot, usually, in a day. And not every day, either, although in times of torrid pot smoking I 've been known to binge out.
I try not to keep it around. Its like crack, or at least how I hear crack is, for the stoned people. I hear it from the cupboard as my stomach growls from the munchies.
Why HEL-LO Mrs. Butterworth!
I used to sell myself on it.
"Y'know, its better than a huge pig-out. The syrup coats my stomach, and kills the hunger pangs, which stops me from just whacking down junk food."
Knowing damn well this is just a slice of pure gluttony.
"Hell, its ALL NATURAL. Its probably good for me. I'm fighting cancer."
And I'll creep to the cupboard, looking both ways, shifty eyed, seeing if there's anyone around to witness. A stealthy grab and shot, put the bottle back, usually from a personal stash, and no one knows nothin'. A Perfect Crime.
Every once in awhile, though, I'll get caught. The reaction is something awful. Like they just caught me pumping the neighbor's cat. And its so difficult to pour and chug while I'm giggling like Satan, unable to stop the process.
"God-DAMN-it. What the-...What the FUCK! What th-...you sick FUCK! What the fuck's wrong with you?! Golden Griddle eatin' mutha fucka!"
I have no explanations. I have no rationale. Its not my fault, its the system.
Pure, unadalterated American gluttony.
I have a problem. I shoot maple syrup. Straight. No chaser.
And I like it.
[ed. note 1: I work out like a fiend six days a week. So I can get away with this ....but I still feel guily as hell. ]
[ed. note 2: I wish there was rehab for maple syrup.]
[ed. note 3: Don't cry for me, A rgentina. The truth is...I never have left you.]
[ed. note 4: I want a girlfriend who'll let me have sex while wearing clown shoes. Once. Just to say I did it. ]
[ed. note 5: And I REALLY need to leave the clown shoes thing alone.]
[ed. note 6: Seriously.]
[ed. note 7: Didn't want to end on six. ]
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