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More Ranting: Get it Out, Get it Out before/after
There is no denying it: I woke up angry this morning.
I'm not sure why. The first and second times I hit the snooze button, I was okay. In a good mood, even. But the third and fourth taps of the blessed sleep bar found me in a foul mood.
Could be because I am denying myself outlets. My guitar playing has been disappointing to me, so I am taking a short break until I take it up again with a fresh perspective. Too many non-clicking jams begins to wear on me in many diffrerent ways.
Could be because I'm not getting laid, but at this point I don't care. Really don't give a flying fuck.
The most I've cared in a while now is when i aske the Mystical Smoking Head of Bob if I would ever get laid again, and he replied:
Without a Doubt.
But I could not give two shits less. More over, I don't give enough of a fuck to go on a date even. Fucked if I care.
I can't even cry anymore. Tried to a couple of weeks ago, while watching What Dreams May Come. That movie resonates with me, and strikes some emotional chords. I can feel it. Almost a misty eyed feeling. I tried. I thought of other sad things. Friends, family, and pets dying. Nada. No-thing.
Christ, the most I could manage was two perfect tears as I sat next to my grandmother's body, immediately after her passing.
This probably should bother me, but doesn't. I HAD to reign in my emotions or they would have consumed me. So fuck it. Its not like I want to go back to being an emotional boob. And I have managed incremental progress since then, learning to express love.
On another note, got a phone call from my best friend yesterday, for the first time in like a year since I moved. He's got a girlfriend now, is not moving out to Denver, and is thouroughly whipped.
I'm glad he's happy, and I hope it works for him. And I suppose its all for the best, for its been years and years since he had a real girlfriend. I imagine us drifting apart, but I'm okay with that. He's got his future. Mine does not seem to be back home.
Sometimes I feel like I have this huge destiny. Sometimes I feel like I have this huge destiny, but only if I can find it, and I have no idea where it lays.
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