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Fiction: Back-Yard Wrestling before/after
Backyard Wrestling
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by Dr. Samuel R. Kelly, Ethno-Botanist
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In the due course of human events, idiots have always occupied considerable interest as a source of amusement and derision. Asked, universally all would agree that the world would be a better place, if only the lowest grade of useless moron were removed.
The mullets. The inbreds. People of low intent and lower IQ.
As such, no convergence of events or plans have ever materialized, to the apparent detriment of public consensus.While pondering the thought, as i am wont to do in my easily meandering states of relaxation, the ultimate solution to the inbred problem was revealed.
As a professional, I do not suffer fools gladly, but as is the climate of the times, has become a part of the landscape. The solution is simply this: By all means necessary, glamorize and illicitly support backyard wrestling.
I am an educated man. I appreciate all sorts of feats of skill and dexterity.
And there is nothing so freakishly amaz-ing to watch than the contest of the fools as they rush to rub each other out.
We should order the video tapes of these events like no tomorrow, and gossip among the parents as to the extraordinary nature of their children as they fly off of rooftops onto their friends who hapen to be convieniently lying in flames on a long formica table.
"Oh my, Mrs. Emerson, your son is the toast of the seventh grade."
"No moss on that one." they'll whisper in an aside as yet another idiot child is rushed to the hospital.
Television shows and national contests of the highest caliber. Big prizes. Get to meet the president...If you survive.
And eventually, the pseudo-exhulted perch that these stooges have been bestowed by our Society will begin to crumble and fall, as the laws of supply and demand begin to function, and all the while the biggest inside joke in history.
And thus, the problem of idiots is naturally selected out, and a new society predicated on cynicysim and sarcasm will emerge, is it so different than it is now, I didn't think so.
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