Safeway Strangeness
2001-06-01 - 12:51 p.m.

before/after
strangely non-functional guestbook

I knew I was pretty much too stoned to deal with anyone last night. That's why I went to Safeway, rather than my usual supermarket.

Fucked up. Sketchy.

Safeway was a meatmarket last night, and I was the only guy in the store.

Okay, so maybe there were only six girls in the store. I was the center of attention.

Usually, I like this, but I had been dwelling up in my cerebellum all night, when I decided I couldn't make it through Friday without certain essentials.

I had picked up a bag of sensimilla earlier on the north side of town, and started into it with aplomb.

Creeper. I smoked a bunch before I felt the wicked creep. Then my social skills were ruined harshly.

So I make it to Safeway. I should've known it would be weird.

Walked up to what I thought was the main entrance, an automatic door that was locked, yet would strain to open when I walked by it. This confused me.

So I walked to where I thought the main entrance would be.

Nothing. Sixth avenue and traffic. Pisco's restaurant, and me standing there, feeling foolish.

Puffed on a marlboro, to cover up my fuck-up.

So I made my way back towards the actual entrance to the store. Two girls had me scoped before I hit the door.

I only saw one, and my intital reaction was,"Wow, she's pretty. I think she saw me, and wants to talk. Fuck! I'm too stoned to deal."

This was a best case scenario.

One, in a hippie full length tan, almost jean looking dress walks up to me, stood about one foot away, and deliberately eyed me up and down. She was wearing mardi-gras beads, and obviously stoned and drunk. Not unattractive. But not exactly up to my standards. I guess I need at least one thing that's special about a girl, and not just that she wants to fuck me.

Which leaves me in a familiar quandry. It bothers me that I don't leap at any girl that comes my way, as so many guys are wont to do.

she:"Hey there."

Me:"Hey."

And her friend is with her, a bit shorter, also not unattractive, but not up to my standards. Barefoot. Also with beads.

They sauntered into the store. The tall one with the dress jumps and takes a swat at a banner, and misses badly.

She:"No, no, wait. I can get this."

She tries again, and smacks the banner loudly, making me laugh.

She:"Ha! I told you i could do it"

I abandonded them quickly with a laugh.

Went and found my goods. They cornered me by the donut section.

And they flirted in all sorts of ways, throwing themselves at me. Highlights of such:

girl1(flirtatious):"So what kind of donut are you?"

What is this the dating game? wtf?

i chatted a bit with the other girl in the tan dress.

girl2(flirtatious):"Oh...we're just getting breakfast. (eyes me up and down again, and bats her eyes hopefully)

Oh, Christ. What kind of weirdness is this? The only time I do not even entertain the thought of fooling around, I get the aggressive girl tandem, who both seem comfortable hitting on me. No cattiness betweeen these two, like it was a co-operative effort.

And they both started touching me, but in that subtle girl way, where it seems co-incidental, but really they're waiting for the reciprocal touch. Except for the one girl who rubbed her boobs on my shoulder.

There was maybe five customers in the supermarket.

I was very close to pulling them both to me, one under each arm, and saying...

"Well, Why don't we go to my house and go hot-tubbing. "

No. I was couteous, but unresponsive.

Its tortuous to me, because I love the multiple partner thing, but at the same time, my whole drive was to get things done so I could go to sleep.

So I leave them with a laugh again, and finish my shopping.

Another tandem of girls proceeds to make eyes at me, and head to the check out.

I headed to the check-out, and the two drunk girls step in front of me.

girl1(flirtatious):"You again?"

me:"Yes, I'm stalking you."

girl2(flirtatious)"Hey, sweetheart."

Me:"Hello."

And I proceeded to look around. Some blonde behind the service counter was staring at me. Attractive. I smiled, and she smiled back.

The first two girls shuffle out of the store, looking back over their shoulder at me. I smiled, they smiled back.

The checker hurriedly checks the two drunk girls out, while I avoid interaction.

Girl2:"Bye, hon-ey."

Girl1:"Seeya, Mr. Stalker-man."

Me: (waving)"I hope to stalk you again sometime."

With giggles, they left. Don't know why they laughed. It wasn't that funny.

I flirted with the cashier a bit, as she seemed to be cute, and in full charge of her faculties.

Went home, and promptly crashed out...vaguely disappointed that I didn't push for the menage-a-trois, despite how annoying those two may have been.