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The Return Of The Stoned Movie Reviews before/after I want to do another Stoned Movie Review, but the protocol has clearly escaped me. Its become completely unclear whether the review should take place whilst under the influence, the movie watching, or both. I favor both, but will eschew the first selection. My aren't I wordy today. Shrek: Ogre's swamp is occupied and squatted upon by evicted fairytale creatures. Ogre travels to rectify the situation and falls into a series of adventures. Baaaaaaad fucking movie. Mistake. And although it performed admirably in places, this was not aimed at my demographic. I wanted Mike Myers to swear and get weird. Never happend. Also thought the plot could have been cleared up if Shrek had put it to the princess shortly after they met. (Indeed. 'Put it to her'. As in 'to fuck like an animal.') She wanted the green ogre cock, you could tell. Would have rectified her whole attitude. Hated Eddie Murphy at first, but turns out he did a good job. And Cameron Diaz is hot no matter what she does. This may be because she reminds me of a girl gone bye. The animation was good. Some of the skin tones needed furthur rendering, but certain shots were great. Was also disappointed that Cameron Diaz was kept a green nasty in the end. Its not like she couldn't have swung it with Shrek if she was the sexy, saucy young princess. I do have to say that something approaching a moral conscience flickered across my radar when I saw Shrek struggling to share his feelings with the princess. Such contrivances hadn't appeared in my head for years. "Should I tell her I love her or shouldn't I?" Hmmm. I say fuck her brains out and sort it all out later, dude. You're big, you're green, you're bad. You're an ogre. Lay some pipe without conscience. Its what you do. And if it doesn't pan out, and gets all awkward, somewhere out there is a girl with a serious fetish for your bulky green ass. Trust me. Overall, the lady at the movie store sold me short with baking soda and fucked me in the ass. "You'll like this one." she said, "Its got something in it for everyone. Everybody says they like it." Well, not me sister. This movie was clearly not made for me. Couldn't get high enough to enjoy the movie. Made: Vince Vaughn, John Favereau, Famke Jannsen. Two bumbling LA types get involved with the mob, and go to NYC to do a drop to pay for past mistakes. Decent screenplay, good dialogue. The acting was great, particularly Vince Vaughn's scene on the airplane, making this a worthwhile veiw. Had to take a break halfway through. I think I got really high, and the attention span went to hell. The ending was ambiguous. I believe they wanted to leave room for Made 2: the next thing. The cinematpography sucked, and a lot of the technical production of the peice needed a lot of work. Even the sound sucked. Watching Favereau and Vaughn was much like watching two of the best actors in acting class ham it up, which to me is a good thing. Poor plot points had them fist fighting a bit too much. Worth seeing. Got high enough to enjoy this movie. Basic Instinct: Psychopathic multimillionaire author and degreed psychologist commits a string of homicides and is pursued by an over-the-edge cop who plays by his own rules. Now, seeing this years after puberty is supposed to be finished is a revelation. I can get past the now faded awesome looks of Sharon Stone and examine this piece. This is one awful fucking movie. The plot is so thin its anemic. The turns are for shit. I couldn't suspend my disbelief at all. ex: Cathering Trammel and 'Shooter', are carrening down a mountain road, slipstreaming throughout traffic, crossing the double yellow lines, almost causing several accidents, screeching tires the whole way. She reaches her destination, and gets out, as if none of this had happened, and she did not notice that a maniac had been tailing her for the past twenty miles. And I really don't need to see Michael Douglas' ass, thankyou. I don't know. I used to love this movie, and it would set me to a lustful pitch. Maybe I'm jaded, but even the sex scenes seemed a bit tame. And the last half hour of the movie, they tried to cram in all the plot points that should have been expressed over the complete span of the movie, which was not appreciated. Another baaaaad fucking movie. I suppose if you're trying to introduce your girlfriend to porn and you don't have the sac to just put it out there, this might be helpful. Otherwise, don't bother. Couldn't get high enough to enjoy the movie.
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