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Never Feel Clean Again before/after One of my team was a trollish girl with an infatuation for me. She was evil. One night the team went out and drank after work, which wasn't out of the norm. There is something wrong with everyone who works in that field, and many, many of them drink like twelve bastards, and I was one of them. Anyway, she and her accomplices got me swathingly drunk. I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, nor could I drive. In some sublime manner, everybody left at the same point, a few steps ahead of me, while I blundered into stationary objects trying to leave the bar. She commandeered my attention. "I will NOT let you drive in this condition." she said sharply. And this is when I failed to realize I was the prey. I failed to realize the realities of the situation. "You're so harsh to me." I slurred. "C'mon. Lets go to my house until you sober up." she said. "No-o-o. No WAY," I said. "I have to go home. Things to do tomorrow." "Okay." she said, "Compromise: we'll go somewhere else until you sober up." At the time, in my addled state, I thought she had accurately divined my drift. That I had sussed out her plans to take advantage of me, and as such, she was defeated in this endeavour. So I agreed. It was winter. She drove me to a park. I sat still for a moment, on the verge of passing out, and in heartbeat she was on me like white on rice. Like a shark in full feeding frenzy, and I was the chum. She forced her tongue into my mouth and pawed at my jeans. I spat her tongue out and was confused. She quickly undid my jeans and put my cock in her mouth. I did not want this. This was vaguely horrifying, like a really bad dream. [I'm not trying to claim any sort of moralistic ground, but this, to me, was a violation. As close as a guy can come to claiming such. A violation by a fat, evil girl.] I wavered in and out, being dimly and intermittently aware that a trollish girl was feverishly sucking my cock, and I wasn't too happy about it. Mustering some will, I pushed her off of my cock. Her mouth made the cheek popping sound. POP! "Its okay. I'm done. I came." I said. "Hmmm. I didn't taste it." she said, "You think I would have noticed." She seemed so much like a shark to me at that point. It was disturbing, and I quickly gathered my wits. I started a conversation about what we do at the RTC, the waste of it all. The loss. Her argument was the standard 'if I only save one kid, then its all worthwhile' rap. There was a river that flowed through the park. Most of the snow was gone, and the snap of a thaw was in the air. There were pathes of open water, cracks, holes in the ice. So I got out of the car, marched down the bank and stood on the ice. "One life," I said, "ONE life is worthy of a lifetime of dedication when that lifetime cannot be spent to help the one life you hope to change?" The ice creaked and groaned under my weight. "Yes," she said, "Because one life can turn around and affect many." "So by that rationale, if you save one kid, then you validate your own." I said. I could hear the deep cracks in the ice, but held my position. "YES!" she said with consternation, "Get off the ice! Its a river! You'll drown!" "I say we're shovelling shit, and there's no end to the shit. I say we might work our whole lives and not make a dent. There is no point in what we do, because the causes never change." "Argentummm..." she pleaded, starting to cry. "Validate your life. Save me." I said. "No! Get off the ice!" she said. "Validation, BA-BY! Your whole life made worthwhile!! C'mon!!!" I raved. She was shaken and openly crying. "NO! You're scaring me! Get off the ice! Now!" More sounds of ice cracking in the night. Burble of the swollen water as it churned under the surface. I stood still. "Oh! Hear that? You're precious validation is slipping away!" "Argentum!!! Stop it NOW!!!" she said through tears. "Stop what? Scaring you? Or questioning the quagmire of your convictions?" Only tears responded. Sobs in the night, as the ice continued to crack and the river flowed. I relented, and came off of the ice, and my moralistic perch. As we walked back to the car, the ice where I stood collapsed under the force of the river, sucked away in a hush of inky blackness and the gurgle of water. She drove me back to the bar, quite happy to be rid of me. I drove home, slowly, and took a hot-hot-hot shower, trying to feel clean again.
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