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Grim Memories before/after For no reason at all, today I thought of a co-worker wedding when I was at the RTC as a groupleader. It was a bizzarre affair, one I did not want to attend. There was a time limit on the reception. Cash bar, not open bar. My accouterments were simple: black sport coat, tie, white collared shirt, blue-jeans, leather shoes and a whopping head full of LSD. Because, half the fun of drugs is being on them, and half of it is getting away with it. Met the bride and all kinds of people. A friend was with me, who was a direct suboordinate of mine also, and I gave him some acid as well. Always good to have company on a trip. And there I sat, with my co-workers, my team of professional mental health care workers, of which I was the de-facto leader, a rising star at the RTC, dozens of lives and futures depending on me, on-call, holding court, doing quite well and high as a motherfucker. I wasn't worried about being on call. I was due to go off at midnight, and it had been a good day. What I was worried about was my friend losing his shit, and then the gig would be up. Its one thing to manage one's own character, and cover up for slips. Its quite another to make excuses for someone laughing maniacally and damaging things, which was something he was prone to do. So I did the idle chit-chat, soothed some egos, baited some others, and left for a strip-bar. It was a large bar, typical. Low rent. Dances at your chair cost five dollars. Lots of neon, cheap perfume and noise. I watched the dancers writhe, and got really into a dancer at one point. She did an artistic interpretation of the music, and I was astounded. Being on LSD didn't hurt her cause, either. I threw a bunch of money her way. I had more money than time, and a limitless appreciation for art. I kissed a stripper that night. She giggled like she made a mistake, and looked around to see if anyone was watching. It was funny and pathetic. Her essential self was a pinpoint in her eyes amidst the chaos of the storm of the issues of her life. Now I pretty much eschew the strip bar thing all together. Its just...sad.
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