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I hope! before/after So much to say, its all there. Details of interest only to a-kin researchers. The pain of the past few days has broken me, yet again. BUT...I think I'm getting better. I feel hopeful today. Didn't realize I was this badly off. Quote from the doctor, to my mother, while I still slept, blissfully unconcious and out of touch from the pain 36 hours ago,"Well, he's really messed himself up this time." Hah. My brother once described some of the people I admired as, "All appetite, appetite defines them, and ultimately consumes them, and this is what makes them so beautiful to us all." I am a creature of unrelenting appetite. Guess I should have reigned in the id this past year, taken better care of myself. What can I say to my Creator but, "You put a buffet in front of my face, no matter how ridiculous, and I'm going to partake of it." Perhaps that's wrong. I really don't see my Creator reproaching me for that. Possibly for not taking advantage of gifts and opportunity, but not for making assinine decisions. It was the skin-suit. It wasn't ME. There isn't a place for me in WASP heaven, anyway. I shall miss all my childhood friends. I shall remain hopeful, in the face of this. At least for today. Don't feel sorry for me. I've lived twice as much a life as anyone you know. And maybe in this, with all things considered, I've managed to do one thing right in my life. Love all you can. I will endure. I hope. I hope!
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