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Just Win, Baby. before/after No one told me last Friday was Friday the Thirteenth. Not that it matters, and is appropo. I wouldn't have cared. As much as I blather about the metaphysical and the possibilities in the gaps of our knowledge concerning the world around us, I am quite far from superstitious. Superstitions make no sense to me. Like when I cought the kids on camp spitting on a broom after someone swept their feet. kid:"S'bad luck Mr. Argentum." I let it slide. They already knew that life is a horrible thing. Why deprive them of the last of their deluded security? Anyway, things are slowly working out. Talked to my 'rents, and they are sending me a check out of sympathy. Should get to my house tomorrow. And they gave me the number to a platinum card. Talked to the dealership. They'll pick up my car and fix it on Thursday. I believe its an ignition problem. I hate asking for help. I hate needing people. If I could go the rest of my life with out needing another, it would be all right with me. Perhaps, even if that means I am alone the rest of my days. People are generally willing to help me whenever, due to filial obligations or reasons of pure love, as I am always willing to bend over backward for a friend, for reasons of pure love with no compensation. One friend in the past has told me he, and others, jump at the chance to "even things out". I never think of that stuff. Its all life. I don't hold grudges anymore, either. Used to do so. Not anymore. I talked to my brother's fiance' and she seemed surprised that I bore no malice for when she and my brother freaked on me. Not that she said anything about it, of course. It was general tone, inflection, and cadence. I suppose there is a number of ways I could look at it. Life is too short, we all make mistakes, etc. I suppose I feel that it would give too much creedence to most people to allow their antics to truly piss me off. In my experience, if someone finds a button they can push on me, they will, repeatedly. I should only be mad at her if I put any stock into anything she says. She's losing more and more of her personality every year, as she freakishly de-individuates and becomes a shadow of my brother. Whatever he feels, she feels. Whatever he thinks, she thinks. His opinion is hers. Its scary. Something I don't look for in a relationship. Does this make any sense? And Don took apart my VCR, godblessem'. It wasn't totally selfless, as he had a rented tape stuck in it. But he went the extra mile to figure out why it was fucked (storm) and how to fix it, rather than just put it in peices and go. So that's two down.(sorta') I will fucking beat this. Whatever this is, you are fucking with the wrong guy. I am just getting started. Of course, watch that if I had just rolled with it, this would've been the push I needed to go to greener pastures in life, and my struggles are just to avoid change and upheaval, which is necessary for growth. Ahhh, fuck it, man. Y'know? I'm not a complete competitive fuck. But when people and/or life draw it out of me, well, I just like to win.
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