|
The Halloween Party before/after Putting on another human's hair is a very interesting process. Akin to stealing someone else's mojo and walking around with it. I slathered the hair bond on the "track" as its called and attatched it in three layers. Each layer got better. The final layer was high enough up into my hair, that the "track" was completly hidden. (Now the "track" must be slang for "seam" or something. Its the peice that holds the hair together in a straight line.) I watched the process in the mirrors. When I was done, it was indistinguishable from my hair. I looked at myself for some time. I must say, I did good work. Seamless. It frightened the dog until he was sure I was me. Made some quick phonecalls and donned my jeans with a hole, my black reebok high-tops, and my white and blue with accents of red, yellow, orange and black NASCAR t-shirt. I looked in the mirror. I had become a mullet. Indistinguishable from my real warm-necked breatheren, I could easily melt into their midst, should I so chose. But I had bigger fish to fry other than crystal meth and ambiguous family sexual boundaries. I had a party to attend. Now every year, my brother's birthday falls one day earlier than Halloween, and so, Halloween is a big holiday for him. He decks his house out in all manner of creepy splendor, sparing no expense. It is always a good show. So I hopped into my car, opened the moonroof, and took off. I went to the beer store to buy some beer. No one at the store recognized that it was a costume. The disguise was that complete. The man who sells beer, who never checks my ID, just recognizes my face, asked for ID. I started to think I might be on to something. As I lit out, Metallica came on the car stereo, and I turned up real loud like. Started headbanging. I was full into character. People stared. A car did a double pass around me to get a second look. At a stoplight, an old Asian man stared at me from his light blue japaneese car. I gave him the "what's up" nod of the head. He turned and quickly drove off. I arrived at the party, just as my brother and Thomas were finishing a tune. There was a smattering of applause, and then a moment of silence. I stepped through the front door, by where they were playing, in veiw of the crowd right on cue. It was one of my better timed entrances. The party immediately broke into uprarious laughter. I puffed up my chest and gave "what's up" nods to the crowd, six pack in hand. The laughter grew louder and died. There was a moment of silence, while they waited to see what I would say. Fucks sake, I didn't think anyone would care. "Bring on the women and crystal meth!" I shouted, in full on character. My brother's despicable fiance' greeted me, and dragged me to the beer. Halloween, I love. Probably because of the disorient I feel. There was a mix of people. A few angels, a few satans. A dominatrix, an angel of death, Jeanie, a con, a pro golfer, Lara Croft, a surgeon, a Pickachu, a Pimp, a dirty old man (lame), a couple of old ladies and many others my mind is too clouded to remember. What stuck, though, was the man who's costume was a two-parter, a baby on a grandma's back. He donned someone else's Dennis Rodman mask, to make the baby look like Dennis Rodman on grandma's back. a:"He just added a new dimension to that costume." I flirted some, but it was difficult. I had a serious level of disorientation coulpled with everyone's extraneous accouterments. A few girls copped flirtatious feels. We smoked a lot of pot, and I questioned my brother's despicable fiance' why they did not follow through with their plan to be Pro-Wrestlers, the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin for halloween. I got a dismissive reply, which I turned into a rant. bdf:"Plus, I'd have to wear a bald wig, so I really don't want to think of him kissing me while I'm...y'know..." a:"He'd have to wear a cape." bdf:"What?" a:"A cape. Like Superman. And you could be Lex Luthor." bdf:"Lex Luthor?" a:"Yeah, he wore this purple, form fitting top, and greeeeen pants. (laughs) And superman, (laughs) wears those tights, and a cape...(laughs)" bdf:"I don't want to hear this." a:"And you'd be like this" (assumes a squatting, sort of up against the wall pose) bdf:"Stop." a:"And he'd come up behind you like this" (assumes a rear entry position behind Luthor) bdf:"Okaa-aaaay." a:(souding like Lex Luthor)"Well, I don't know how you caught me this time, Superman..." brother:"Because I'm the Man of Steel." I smoked more grass, and made some phonecalls while my brother and Thomas played music. They finished up, and I left to meet my roomates at the bar. A friend of ours was playing a set. I went to the Seven Eleven to get some cash. Mixing about with the public, still no one knew that this was a sham. store clerk:"You've got to buy something to be in here." hooker:"I've got a twenty in my bra...take a chill." I saw some hookers, and one got flushed looking at me, gasping. She was cute. They were both young girls, barely twenty, just trying to make some desperate cash. It was sad. I wished they had some family to take care of them. All I could do was look away. They hooked up with some johns, I got some cash and got out. I went and parked by the bar. As I approached, a black man with a L.L. Bean side sling case greeted me. "Do you like to drink?" he said Hmmm. Well, yes. "Yeah. What do you have?" I said. "Can't tell. C'mon." he said. Uhh. No. "No thanks, seeya." I said. I must look like some redneck just in the big city, and set to hit hard times. "Vodka, c'mon." he encouraged. I laughed a deep laugh and walked away. I walked into the bar, just as the band was finishing their song. My roomates sat against the wall of the punk bar. Upon sight, they died laughing. I looked around, and my friends were in attendance. Laughter rang out. I gave "what's up" nods to everyone. Some did not recoginze me. A real mullet sat at the end of the bar and stared at me. The band played another, and I screamed out, giving the "devil" finger sign, "Rock and Rolllllll!" I chatted with everyone, and flirted with Xena Warrior Princess from across the bar. She sat down next to me. "So, is it true that you're a lesbian?" I asked. And she launched into a diatribe and history of the Xena Warrior Princess show, how it had "gone down" towards the end. She made the leather parts of her coat by cutting up an ex-boyfriends leather jacket. I talked with my friends for awhile. Shelia was there, giving dirty looks to Xena, who was clearly her friend. Giving her dirty looks, because Xena was flirting with me. Fucking whack job. Xena loosened up later on, and started waxing philisophical about her two boys, and the few times they are allowed to visit each year. I drank my beer. A drunk sidled up to me named "Kristoff" who swore he knew me, even though he didn't. We talked about a mutual friend, and he immediately turned and shouted loudly for him to fuck off. The entire bar chimed in, saying his name, and telling him in no uncertain terms to fuck off. It was priceless. I said my goodbyes and went back to the party, which had died down. I was drunk and happy. Stoned. And slipping into character. a:"Gawd damn! Time to break out the crystal meth and start fingering babies" This caused some dissent. They didn't understand that it wasn't me, it was the hair. My brother got into a spat with his best friend, Thomas. Thomas lost his keys, and after an hour or so found them in the neck of his guitar case. High, I wandered about the house. Blood spattered bathroom, replete with body parts and knife in the tub. UV lights. Skulls, webs, a big rat in a trap (fake) in the kitchen, creeping hands, blood stained sheets, eye-ball candles everywhere. Old shearing weapons placed lazily about the place. Fingers and bodies laying about. Skeletons. Eventually Thomas left, and my brother gave me the lowdown about his drunk driving accident, which I already knew. Then we went into the back, where he had a ritual planned. In the middle of a gruesome, bloody display, untouched with weapons all around, sat a pristine Santa Claus doll. "I resent you being in my holiday, fucker, " he said with grit, "Its time to go." And we sacrificed Santa Claus. This was not an easy task. My brother tried to saw him in half. It was no go. a:"Lets shave his beard, like the Lion from 'the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'," I said. I shaved some beard off. I hacked off an arm. bdf:"You're going to stab Argentum with those wild motions you'd make, that would be...." she trailed off. brother:"That would be what." my brother said. They had a moment of prolonged eye contact while I continued my mindless bent for destruction of Santa. She fled the room. He was clearly disheartened. "Lets burn him," I said, "Total immolation. Nothing Less." So I lit the beard shavings with an eye-ball candle. He started to take off quickly. We set Santa on the cement slab and watched him burn. I sat down, and lit a ciggarette from the conflagaration that was Santa's head. My brother bitched about Thomas' wife. "Why do I stick with these fuckers?" he said. "Because you love them." I said. "I guess..." he trailed off. " I wonder what the last part to burn will be, looks like either Santa's heart, or his shoe." I leaned in close. The fire had left a perfect outline. The heart was the last to die. "Hey," I said, "These things happen." "Did you do that?" my brother asked. "No," I said, "But I might have had something to do with it." There was a pause, as Santa's body gave some dying sounds of fire gone out. "C'mon." I said, "Let's go." "No," he said, "You go." I turned and left, saying my goodbyes to people on the way out. I wasn't talking about leaving the party, but I think we were talking about the same thing. I went home, feeling good. It took three hours to get the weave out and the glue off of my hair. I got to bed at sunrise, feeling vaguely satisfied. It was a good Halloween.
|
