from beneath those lips

that I had never kissed before,

Is it worth my while,

to get behind the mirthful smile,

and take what I like, and more.

I have a friend who believes in love.  I do, too, for that matter, but the difference between us is simply this:  she still gets crushes on guys.  I don't get crushes, or any rushes, anymore.

Sure, there are the indelible moments, for me, anyway, as they are different times for us all.

For me it is that most precious of moments, when one pulls the panties down.  That vulnerability.  That decadent taste, and stopping of time.

But its not the same as a crush.  That domination of ones thoughts by the possibilities and intruiges of another.

I am a romantic, and I enjoy love and flirtation, but that child like giddiness has left me.

Anymore it is the seduction, the luscious luxury of wisdom.

The conversation over dinner, and looks that spark laughs in no one else.

Enough of the sorry melodrama.  I guess that if I truly wanted to subject myself to those emotions I would have long ago.

My emotions are a team of horses that I have spent my whole life trying to master, and ride.  They pull me wherever I go, with the viccicitudes and caprices that make us all individuals, as much as the System will let us.

Went to a mass media chain store today.  Out and about, trying to return a sense of normalcy to my strange life.

The only thing that seems to be any sort of continuity or comfort is the sounds of my thoughts in my head.

Otherwise this subjective experience would overwhelm.

Am I still me, seeing this strangeness?  Good, because if I were someone else, that would really bother me.

Last thing I need is a whole new person inside my perceptions to get to know.  Set me back most of a lifetime, that would.

Went to a mass media chain, and saw the deplorable state of the area.  Why does everyone want to be part of a trend?  Why the herd?  Why the herd?

I find myself alone more often than not as I get older, seemingly seeking the time away, standing in a crowd, relaxed that no one knows me.  Fame is vastly overrated, as they say, and anonymity is a safe blanket.

Not that I'm famous in any sense.  No.  But sometimes I feel I want no attention, other than the ministrations of my own thoughts and passions to move me.

Not sure how long I will stay here, in this healthful respite, this idyll, as I tend my wounds.  The temptation is to fly the nest as soon as possible, a whole world waits to be watched, the light of the full moon beseeches, and the new moon beckons my soul to ever less fruitfull bouts of strangeness.

No, no, my mojo is to seek out what is out there, and get a handle on the trip.  To watch, and see if I can learn, pull patterns out of this human mist.  This cacaphony.  This semblance of something that matters, self-possessed to think that they are the point, and not the error.

No, no idea how long to stay.  Better to ask how long to roam.  Its been awhile since my soul had a home.  A girl to sling my hips in.

As far as that goes, anymore I picture myself alone, victim of my passions and bad ideas.  Who wants a life with a guy who wants to move around all the time?  If I lived to be a thousand, I could probably eventually make a good husband for the last century of my life.

Then again, maybe not.

There is so much to see.  So much to do.  And ever so much to think and reason through.  So much to LEARN.

Who knows how long I will be alive.

And so that leaves us at the mass media store, and the sorry state of affairs that my life is, or perhaps all of our lives are.

Bullshit music by fuckers who want to Be In Control.  Sad looking people wandering about, milling.  Young women already past their prime whoose asses weigh more than I do.

I want to fold everyone in my arms and protect them.  I want to run in the streets like a freak, and shake the people awake and alive.

"ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY!  ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY!"

And awaken all to the possibilities of a better life.

Yeah, that would get me locked up for sure.

The feelings, the moments, the chance to find enlightenment, and understand myself, us and all...

The hopes and dreams of thousands of generations, so much is short sighted in the times we now live.

Faithless western creeds, ministrations from angels that turn foul and blood run red in the streets.  Everywhere I go, people are people, and much the same.  Its everything else that is the demon bastard.

Governments are not a necessary evil, but an EVIL.  There is a better way and a better life for us all.

Family, friends, love and death.  Perspective is essential.

Love is all we have.

Love is all I want, and seemingly all I have to give.

But I don't feel crushes any more.  No, no, I don't get no crushes no more, no more, no more.

Meet me in a feild of bladed grass, I will kiss you, and you will show me your underwear.