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Pre Valentine celebrations, pool, and soft core porn from me to you before/after
Everything seems so real to me
Like the pain and love of life
just with the flick
of a capricious wrist
had its volume turned up ten-fold.
Went to the bar last night, as per plans by CJ, ostensibly to prey on desperate women, I think.
But I started to play pool. I am a competitive fuck by nature.
Jer was my partner.
There is a subtle psychology to pool, or darts, for that matter.
When to talk, how to talk, where you stand, eye contact...these things all factor in a game, sometimes as much as your actual skill level.
And if you approach pool with confidence, then you play with confidence.
I'm a confident guy.
I played within myself. Jer knocked a lot of balls into the pockets.
I did my fair share. We were toying with people at one point, and I pulled out the old jump trick. If you've seen the Color of Money, than you know about which I am talking.
(My best shot of all time, hands down, was jumping the cue ball over a wall of two, and then a third, 3/4 of the way down the table, and walking a ball to the pocket that rested against the rail on the otherside of the table to win the game. It was the only shot, and we allowed jumping.)
I am a natural athlete. I don't always dominate every game I play, but my hallmark is sensing when the game is on the line, and making the play. Even if its the only play I make all game.
I miss competitive sports. So simple. So unapologetically aggressive.
Met some girls from Boulder last night. They were cool, and we got along well, but I had work in the morning, so I left early, taking Don home.
One of the girls, Trish, gave me a very warm hug as i left that made me reconsider going home. Cheek-to-cheek and groping. Nice. She was a flirtatious girl, and she groped my chest a little bit much all night, but I never mind. Kicked myself when I got home, though. I should always take it to 2:00 am and beyond while I'm young, and the good times are there for the chasing. I don't want to regret it when I'm old and my bones are brittle, as I stare at the fire and wonder what might have been. I want to know, one way or the other, dammit.
'Course, I'm being facetious. I already have plenty of memories to last a good long while, until alzheimers and dementia claim me, and they strap me to the bed and force feed me with big spoons.
But I won't remember anything, so it'll be okay.
As for me, perhaps I'll buy some daisies, and call up Shelia, for a little Valentine's Day nookie, in lieu of a gift or anything real. Not that I have to buy anyone anything. I'm not committed anywhere.
So maybe...screw the flowers, and just give her several epiphanies, and she'll continue to think I'm the greatest guy in the world, which...I am.
Its so sad, really. The sex could be so much better. Our sex is predicated and driven by my innate horniness. That's it. She does nothing, unless I like, put her on top of me. Then she has no choice.
She doesn't touch me much at all before sex, she doesn't blow me, nor does she touch my cock, except through penetration. Not even a hand job.
Stack those up, and her desire to see me 'during the week' just may rest on my whimsy, like everything else about this does.
She could at least touch my dick...C' mon, now. He's friendly.
Well, it didn't take me long to get bored with her. Shocker.
But, Valentine Nookie is always cool...and I like to go down, so, today its okay.
But clearly, this is a friends type deal. I having a difficult time codifying her as a part-time lover...
(doot-doot-doo-doo-doo-dooo, a...part...time...LOVER! DAH-DAH!...Oh,...fuck it.)
...seeing as she never touches me erotically. Or does anything, but want to fuck me, which is NOT a bad thing, but its like saying your building a house with someone, and they just sit and watch.
She did touch my cock, once. Its not lack of experience, but rather maybe lack of internal passion, or just being bad in bed. I don't know. Something has to change, one way, or the other.
Speaking of which, Becky is throwing a party on Friday. I may be attending. It should be interesting if I do, but I'll tell you more as things develop into clearer view.
You are, after all, my confidant.
This afternoon, I'm gonna post some more Valentine's Day type stuff. So forgive my lack of support in your VD celebrations.
But I do love you. And I have a lot of love to give, sweetie.
Spread smiles and share love today. Its okay.
And if you are the type of person, like I used to be, where you never vocalize it, try it.
Make a point of it. If your scared, pick a sure bet. Its a good thing, and if you get in the swing of sharing love, you'll feel better for it. Yeah, some people are knuckleheads, but what are you gonna do?
Anymore, I have to check myself from saying it, 'cause some people get freaked. I still want to tell them, though, and I bide my time, stalking, lurking in the shadows wearing hats and dark sunglasses, until I spring out at the unexpected moment and say,
"I love you."
Okay, so maybe not that bad. And I've scaled back my profferings to others as well.
But I do love you, baby. No, no. Look me in the eye. c'mon...Mmm, honey, you've got the sexiest eyes...makes me want to drop to my knees, tug open those jeans, and...What? Now? Here? What about your family?...Okay, I don't care, I was thinking of you, I mean your dad might not like me going down on his little girl in the living room, that's all...no, I'm not scared of your dad, he's scared of me, haven't you noticed?...okay, okay, EASY, you pushy little...mmmphf!
Mmm.
You taste so good...
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