Saturday night was feindish. I knew it woud be horribly bent when roomie came home with a drunk englishman and a sand dune of coke.

So I rolled with it.

We ended up going to this party of mainly Britishers and British ex-patriates. I was looking good and felt horribly paranoid. I wore my sensitivity on my sleeve. I think perhaps some noticed, but everyone was fucked up to mythic proportions, so it didn't really matter. The Britishers were incredibly drunk, it was as if they were a chariacture of themselves...the stereotypical stumbling drunk limey at the pub, if you will. Great conversation, I do enjoy the British sense of timing an nuance. For a large part of the party I found myself wondering if it was all an act on their part, perhaps they were fucking with me on some weird level, and when I told Don of this, noticing the surreal, almost tense competitive atmosphere. He concurred.

me:"Are they really this drunk? I mean, i feel like they're fucking with me..."

Don:"Oh? No. No not at all. No they're plastered"

me:"Really."

Don:"Yeah, I saw them at 4:00 at the bar, and they were already eight pints in."

By then it was about midnight. They were still standing, but just barely.

At one point I turned on a small Britisher named Mugsley, who wobbled like a weeble-wobble, barely maintaining an upright position.

me"How are you still standing? HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING?" I said very loudly, over the din of the carousing, pointing down at him with both index fingers, thumbs extended."I stand here, and I wait, and I wait, and I say to myself, 'Oh, this is it...he's going down. HOW THE HELL ARE YOU STILL STANDING?"

Mugsley:(barely still concious, with a thick British accent)"Well, you know, mate, you know what I mean..." And he trailed off into unintelligible gurgling and hissing.

I was on a keen sensitive level for awhile before that, and now I was somewhat unleashed. I wanted to flirt and managed a few casual passes, but it was excruciating. I hate the feeling. Like the girls there were expecting me to act a certain way, and I just wanted to be ME hanging, talking, drinking a beer, rather than trying to compete for their favors with the rest of the limeys. For awhile, I felt like I could only relate to the puppy, and I put John Lennon's "Imagine" on the stereo.

I met Stein, the first englishmen to be married in a pub. Evidently it was televised, and he wore sweatpants and a Dennis The Menace sweater to his nuptuals. He also seemed remarkably bitter about the whole experience.

Stein(swathingly drunk, with a thick British accent)"That was the only way. That was all she was good for, that one. Fuck it all"

Apparently he had to go to jail for a week upon his return to England, for attempting to smuggle in three joints of marijuana to the homeland.

Stein:(still swathingly drunk, thick british accent, and a growing chip on his shoulder)"...And it cost me fifty quid. Do you know what I mean? Ah, Fuck it all."

After I got done smoking pot, playing with the dog, and talking to Don, I felt ready to start flirting. So I went out to the back patio to smoke a ciggarette and mull things over, come up with a plan and some perspective, so to speak.

There were some guys, I made some small talk, and one stunningly gorgeous little girl. Brunnette, brown eyes, gorgeous figure...oh.

So she bums a smoke, we shake hands, and introduce ourselves.

me:"Mmm. Your hands are cold."

She:"Yeah, yeah. I'm freezing...plus, I've got poor circulation, cold hands, cold feet..."

me:"Well, you know what they say, 'Cold Hands, Warm Heart."

And she pauses and looks at me like I just said something sweet. Maybe it was, I don't know. Just making conversation, and trying to be nice...falling right in to the trap.

Then I see Mike, a friend from awhile back(and this is a long story worth its own entry, so forgive me for forging ahead...)

me(happy, enthused):"Hey, Mike!"

mike:"Hey! Great to see you!"

me:"Oh, hey Mike, this is mel-"

both: giggles and smiles

she:"Yeah. I know him."

mike:"yeah, I brought..."

she(giggling somewhat evilly):"He's how I got here..."

And I felt like the biggest jackass since Nixon. I brought it up to Mike later, and he scolded me for even thinking about it. It helped, but I don't generally chew on my own foot, and in this case, having it so frimly lodged in my mouth was an unpleasant taste. One thing about me: I never hit on my friends' girls. It has been a source of tension periodically throughout many friendships, I have lost friends becasue of their own paranoia about this, so I make every effrort so as not to confuse where I stand. I have been described as flirtatious, but I don't see it that way.

And the rest of the night there is Melissa and Kari, BOTH girls of friends of mine, both sultry looking betties in their own way...and I catch them watching me. A lot. And I've been so horny these past few days, it drove me to distraction.

Anyway, (skipping a bit), we piled seven people into my black on black, leather 96' chevy monte-carlo.(leather package, all options, plus a moon roof, which was not a factory option for that model in 96'...yes, I fucking love my car.) Which was a record for that car, and went back to my place.

A coke party ensued. Everyone piled into the study, (where all the evil white stuff was at...telling.) Late hours and deep conversations ensued. Melissa prowled around after me, casualling stalking me room to room. Mike and I discussed the meaning of friendship, and Melissa and I got into a philosophical discussion of beauty, perfection of form, and Plato's theory of 'The Cave'. Actually, she talked about photography and her appreciation for beauty, and I came forward with a story of a building I saw in inner city Detroit, when I was doing family work, after which I elucidated the priciples from which she was drawing her inspiration.

At two separate points, I confronted both roomie and Don about all these weekend 'caine rituals, letting them know where I stood, and that it would be the best to let it go by the wayside for all of us. I figured it would be best to approach it as a friend invoved in the same stuff, rather than an outsider, shrilling his viewpoint to deaf ears. Each had their own response...roomie said '...he was getting tired of that stuff.' and Don said it was something for right now, being from the Midwest he hadn't had this exposure and expierence, and assured me it would draw to a close. We will see what we will see. I am doubtful, but at least my feelings are verbalized and out there.

I cut out early from the vileness. I played guitar and wandered into this weird introspective tangent. If I wasn't thinking about my life, past and present, then I just sat there.

Weird, weird, weird.

As Kari left, she paused to say goodbye, (we were alone), and she extended her hand for a handshake. Unconciously I drew her in for a friendly hug, and recieved one of the warmest hugs I've gotten in a while. She carressed my back, shoulders and triceps with a delicate, sensual touch, snuggling her face into my chest.

It turned me on, it really did.

She smiled and left with her boyfriend, my friend.

*sigh*

Then Melissa, who had the brains to give me friendly antagonisim(which I like), and I said goodnight a little while later. I was off to bed. She was sitting on the couch, and extended her hand for a handshake. I gripped her hand, and gently pulled her towards me. Then I grabbed her elbow and lifted her off the couch. She complied, and said,"Cool." , throwing her arms around my back, caressing my back and sholders. I'm not sure if I pulled her in tight, or it was the mutual chemistry. She snuggled close, into my chest, and gave me a sexy hug, her shapely, so uber-womanly figure pressed against me, her hot breath on my neck, beautiful breasts pushed into me, curvateous hips against mine. She lifted her head and gave me a friendly kiss on the lips, much to my surprise, and we said goodnight.

Brushing up against the line of my morals and priciples, once again. The chemistry was SO right. Oh.

*sigh*

All in all, it was a lame fuckaround from start to finish, with nothing happening, just intrigues, drug abuse and bush league bullshit. But it was a good time.