I recently began having an affair with a married man. We have never spoken about his wife, but he knows I know he's married. I do not want an emotional relationship with him, and I think he is on the same page.

I know I should feel guilty about this, but somehow I don't. I feel as though his wife undoubtedly realizes what's going on. Considering that he spends every other weekend at my house, how could she not know? Maybe she's choosing to ignore it. Could this be the reason I'm having a hard time feeling guilty?

I have always despised cheaters. What has prompted me to change and be so heartless? At this point, the only reason I would want to end this liaison would be if he were to tell me he wanted more from this situation. Abby, I need some tough, honest, brutal advice to make me finally stop this. -- THE OTHER WOMAN IN ST. PAUL

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: I'll try. If you truly felt good about this relationship, you would not have written to me asking for my help in ending it. Whether your lover's wife knows about the affair or not is beside the point. She may tolerate it because she enjoys her lifestyle and doesn't want it disrupted because her husband is a womanizer.

You call yourself "heartless" and say you don't feel guilty. However, I believe neither statement is true. You are involved in this relationship because it feels good, and I caution you that when something feels good, it is easy to become addicted. Once that happens, you WILL become emotionally vulnerable, and then you'll be in for a world of pain. There's no free lunch. There is always a price tag that somebody has to pay.

ARGENTUM SEZ:  Its natural to feel SOMETHING about a situation like this.  If everybody is consenting, tacitly or otherwise, then the only question remains:  how do YOU feel about it.  You don't have any investment, but maybe banging a married man eats at your conscience in some manner.  If you can't deal with the situation, or it doesn't fit with your view of yourself, then mention your thoughts to your lover, and let it go.   Otherwise, if everyone is cool, all appearances are kept up (if so desired), and everyone is acting responsibly (read:  keeping clean and following safer sex protocol)...where's the problem?  Again, this is all about you, and how comfortable you are with this choice.