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Intellectual Meat-Market
2007-01-30 - 1:38 a.m.
before/after
strangely
non-functional guestbook
bandn
[ed. Note: Argentum has been increasingly difficult to work
with, and we here at the editorial desk are only printing
this screenplay in protest, mainly protesting boredom, also because he spelled the word 'barista' wrong.
�Just run the fucker,� Argentum said, �It always happens like this
when you�re trying to hide. Christ, whaddya� think woulda�
happened if I had forgotten to shower?�]
ARGENTUM walks into a local BARNES AND NOBLE bookstore.
He is tall, brown haired, blue-eyed man. He is wearing a
gray argyle cuffless ski-cap, a blue mid-thigh length winter
coat trimmed with fake blue fur, blue reflective sunglasses,
white long-sleeved shirt,black loose fitting nylon track
pants, and light blue sketchers with three white stripes.
He also has a long black scarf around his neck and an IPOD
with white ear-buds sticking out of his ears.
He walks in behind a WOMAN and a MAN. The MAN holds the
door open for him.
ARGENTUM
Thank you.
The WOMAN, an attractive blonde in her late 30's looks back
and eyes him up and down, as if he said something special.
Walking past them into the BARNES AND NOBLE, ARGENTUM
untucks his scarf. He is struggling with his IPOD ear-buds,
as the cord isn't long enough for him to raise his head to
his full height. He must keep his head slightly down or risk
pulling them out of his ears, or the IPOD out of his pocket.
He is close to clumsily blowing his cool.
He takes off his sunglasses, and is restrained from looking
around by the length of his IPOD ear-buds. Out of the
corner of his eye, he sees a sexy young woman in black
watching him intently. She is blonde, with a curvaceous body.
She wears a thin black shirt and pants that cling to her
body, leaving little to the imagination. Her bikini-cut
panty-lines show through her thin pants. Her breasts are
framed in a low cut khaki shirt underneath her black over-
shirt, and seem ready to fall out of her top. She is blue-
eyed. and eyes ARGENTUM closely. She exudes sex.
2.
ARGENTUM continues walking towards the STARBUCKS cafe',
hoping to get in and out quickly, hoping no one will notice
him, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. He hasn't
shaved in days.
The YOUNG WOMAN IN BLACK cuts in front of ARGENTUM'S path to
the STARBUCKS, makes eye-contact, and eyes him appreciatively.
Breasts jiggling, she hops out of his way.
ARGENTUM continues on to the STARBUCKS. Standing at the
counter is an extremely large WOMAN IN A FUR COAT. She is
immense, taking up all the space at the counter in front of
the register. She is struggling with her order, and
nervously chattering about nothing to the young BARRISTA.
ARGENTUM says nothing and waits patiently, observing the
young woman making a latte'. She finishes making the latte',
and notices ARGENTUM waiting passively.
BARRISTA#2
Can I help you?
ARGENTUM
Yes. I'd like a carmel Makiato,
please.
BARRISTA#2 passes the order to BARRISTA#1, and she rings up
the order before making it. She is a young, dishwater
blonde girl.
BARRISTA#1
$2.73, please.
ARGENTUM pulls out a gift card and attempts to swipe it
through the card reader. The WOMAN IN THE FUR COAT blocks
his path.
WOMAN IN FUR COAT
SORRY!!!
ARGENTUM rubs her platonically with an open hand on her fur
coated back. It is real fur, and he feels awkward about
touching it.
ARGENTUM
Its ok.
3.
The WOMAN IN A FUR COAT continues to nervously chatter at
the BARRISTA#1
BARRISTA#1 (CUTTING OFF THE WOMAN
IN THE FUR COAT)
COOL! IS THAT A HARRY POTTER!
ARGENTUM
(taken aback by her enthusiasm)
...is it? I didn't look.
BARRISTA#1 grabs the card and examines it.
BARRISTA#1
NOPE! Looked like it, though.
ARGENTUM receives the card back and swipes it through the
reader.
At this point BARRISTA#2 is making ARGENTUM'S latte'. He
watches with interest, noticing the different machine being
used, BARRISTA#2 stands close to him on the other side of
the counter, swaying from side to side in a circular motion,
making odd fish-like gestures with her mouth, eventually
starting to sing a song quietly to herself, apparently
unable to think of more conversation, when suddenly
BARRISTA#2 starts violently kicking the refrigerator below
the counter. BARRISTA#1 joins in, and it turns into an odd
sort of appliance-beat-down.
BARRISTA#1
GOT IT!
BARRISTA#2
Yep. We had to double team it.
She then continues to finish up the latte', while her
companion moves about cleaning up.
ARGENTUM
What was that?
BARRISTA#2 stares at him with wide eyes and then rambles a
long pointless story about how the refrigerator makes loud
noises...apparently until it is kicked.
ARGENTUM
(in a mocking voice,
utilizing "air quotes")
Actually, I was more interested in
what you said about "double teaming".
4.
BARRISTA# 2 laughs and blushes slightly. Her compatriot,
BARRISTA#1 takes this as her cue to stop cleaning and re-
join the conversation.
BARRISTA#1
Yeah, Double-teaming. Its the only
way.
She leers at him. BARRISTA#2 puts the cap on his latte' and
hands it to him. ARGENTUM is surprised at BARRISTA#1's
aggressiveness, and that comment hangs in the air for a second.
ARGENTUM
Thanks!
BARRISTA#1 giggles.
BOTH
Thanks! Enjoy!
ARGENTUM looks around the BARNES AND NOBLE from the raised
STARBUCKS cafe' in the middle of the store. People are
lounging about everywhere on the plush furniture placed
strategically around the store. The patrons sneak
surreptitious glances at each other like being at the bar,
when it dawns on ARGENTUM. This BARNES AND NOBLE is an
intellectual meat-market.
He sips his latte', puts his head down, and heads for the door.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the YOUNG WOMAN IN
BLACK watching him from one of the check-out counter cash
registers. They make eye contact. She drops her head,
pretending to be occupied although no one is buying anything,
embarrassed to be caught 'watching', and looking slightly
disappointed that ARGENTUM was just getting coffee and leaving.
ARGENTUM walks out into the parking lot, puts in his IPOD
ear-buds, gets in his car and drives away.
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