Advice
2006-08-10 - 18:24
before/after
strangely
non-functional guestbook
[ed. note: Argentum continues his advice column]
DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and have a complicated problem. My mother, whom I love
very much and who is one of the most wonderful women ever, has, at 41, found
herself in a very difficult situation. She recently confided to me that her
marriage of almost 12 years to my stepfather has been extremely unsatisfactory
-- especially in the bedroom. He has absolutely no interest in the deed at all,
and, as a normal, red-blooded woman, she does.
I suggested they seek professional guidance, but they have yet to do so. To
further confuse the situation, Mom has found herself attracted to a 28-year-old
co-worker who is also very attracted to her and has made his feelings known.
I am not sure how to advise her about this. On the one hand, it's wrong to have
an affair. But on the other hand, you only get one life, and I want her to be
happy. Mom is a wonderful woman and deserves everything good in life, and I
don't know what to tell her. Please help, Abby. -- IN A HOT SPOT IN TUCSON
Ewww. Fuckin' creepy. HOT-SPOT--Stay out of your parent's
sex lives,
Ok? Its fine to know if they're affectionate (or not), but
you're crossing
a line that shouldn't be crossed, and involving yourself in something that
shouldn't be a part of your life. Besides that, I think you're digging on
the power that the position you've creepily carved for yourself is
giving you.
Its all unhealthy. Trust me, you're better off not knowing and
staying way the hell out of such things.
DEAR ABBY: My sister and I are throwing a large 40th anniversary/60th
birthday party for my parents and sending them on a trip as our gift
to them.
In lieu of gifts, my sister sent out invitations that stated we would
instead be
graciously accepting donations to help pay for the trip. Because the range of
donations will vary from person to person, my sister has decided to give Mother
a list detailing the amount given by each guest. She feels that because some
folks may go "above and beyond" what others donate, our
mother needs to know who
the most generous gifts come from.
I am vehemently opposed to the idea. I feel that any donation that helps to pay
for the trip is "above and beyond" anyone's obligation, and
that their being
part of the celebration is enough -- regardless of how much they give.
I see no reason for my parents ever to know who gives what, and think that my
sister sharing the information is in terrible taste. Your thoughts, please? --
EMBARRASSED IN PITTSFORD, N.Y.
EMBARASSED. You remind me of this one girl I dated. Her birthday
would roll around and she would say to people "It's my
birthday! We're
going out! We're going out for dinner!". She was all
inviting-like.
Very warm and cordial. Then she'd take them out to the most expensive
sushi-bar in the city, and order lavishly. Then the check would come and
she would make everyone else pay for her meal.
It always struck me as a low-class thing to do. That's pretty
much what
you're doing, and its a bit tacky, if not downright shitty. People will
talk about you behind your back because of this, and nothing nice will
be said.
As far as a gift list, you must be out of your mind.
(And as far as the girl I dated, she had a really, really hairy bush (disco
bush) and wouldn't blow me. The final straw was when she farted one night
while I was taking off her panties. Loudly. Like a guy fart.
It was over after that. I still got my nut off that night, to my shame,
but in my mind, it was through. There's no coming back in the guy fart
with the panties coming off scenario. Not if it happens in the first six
months. And she laughed about it. She LAUGHED, then apologized like
an afterthought. Don't fucking fart in my face and expect me to fall for you at
some point, because it just isn't happening.
Of course, she was embarrassed the next day, and tried to play it off/hope I
didn't mention it. I mentioned it once and let it go. Let
it all go.
And though I don't kiss and tell, in this instance I made an exception. I
told all my friends. For one, its a great story. For two,
don't fart
in my fuckin' face and expect me to be cool with it. Don't expect me to
keep your fuckin' secret. I don't care how drunk you
were. I'm
not keeping that a secret.)
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