And yet more advice
2006-07-25 - 17:05
before/after
strangely
non-functional guestbook
[Ed. note: After achieving a modicum of peace at a local
inter-tribal Indian pow-wow, Argentum insists on continuing to give unsolicited
advice, telling the editorial desk that he's responding to a
"higher calling".]
DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about the number of teens who write to you about
whether or not to have sex. I am a mother of four, and I'm only 22. My first
child was born when I was 14. Only two of my biological children live with me,
and I have taken my stepdaughter in as my own.
Teens everywhere should be educated about sex and the
consequences of having sex at a young age. Many parents
still do not have "the talk" with their children --
leaving it up to the educational system, which is
inadequate in this area. I would like to urge teen
parents to volunteer at local schools to educate these
teens about what "might" happen. I see more and more
teens every day heading down the road I went down, and
it scares me.
I was lucky that I now have the chance to further my
education and provide a stable life for my children,
which, I might add, did not happen until I was already
the mother of two and 18 years old. I had to give one
child up for adoption, and it was heart-wrenching. To
teens out there, PLEASE do not be like me. You might not
be as lucky as I was. -- WISER NOW IN THE U.S.A.
Jesus Christ, woman, its a vagina, not a clown car. Lay off your
rutting just for a moment, please. (with apologies to Jeffery Ross)
They have a word for women like WISER who have two children before
the age of
18: skank.
If you don't want to be considered a skank, or 'damaged goods'
before the age
of twenty, use birth control. Thanks for the sanctimonious
testimony.
I'm sure you somehow pedaled your tawdry wares to a sugar daddy and that's how
you've kept your head above water and are able to get an education. I'm
not sure how much this guy or girl makes, but I hope its a lot, because you're
starting out life waaaay, waaaay waaaaaaay the fuck behind. --Argentum
DEAR ABBY: For nearly 30 years, I believed my marriage
to be rock solid. Imagine my shock, disbelief and pain
when my husband announced he no longer loved me and
wanted out of our marriage. And, although he initially
denied her existence, he married the other woman soon
after our divorce became final.
With our children grown, there
was no reason for us to remain
in contact, even though we live
within a few miles of each
other. From the time he left, my
ex made it clear that the break
was to be complete. I haven't
seen him for years and have
never met his new wife. One of
our children married recently
and the festivities brought my
former spouse and me into
contact. We were cordial but
restrained in each other's
company. Given the years that
have passed and the nature of
our reunion, I was surprised at
the obvious insecurity shown by
his wife.
Now he is calling me. His
calls always have a purpose,
though the reasons are flimsy.
They are increasingly warm and
friendly. I can't say that I
don't enjoy them, but I'm
beginning to feel a little
uncomfortable about their
frequency. I don't know if this
is because of my own possible
dormant feelings or repugnance
at the thought of ever becoming
"the other woman."
I asked him if his wife knew
he called. He side-stepped
giving me a direct answer. Now
I'm in a real pickle. It would
be nice to have some measure of
friendship, but a renewed
relationship with my ex also
scares me. I can't talk to my
children or friends about this.
I'd appreciate some advice. --
OLDER BUT NOT WISER
Dear NOT WISER,
Fuck him, then send the dirty, stained panties to his new woman with a note
that says "how does my cunt taste, bitch?".
Your Friend,
Argentum
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-something male who is madly in love
with my girlfriend. That being said, I do have one
concern. She dated a friend of mine for a short while
prior to dating me. Their relationship was physically
intimate, something I have reserved for only our
relationship.
In short, I am having trouble facing my friend. Can you
advise me
how to get over my discomfort at
the physical nature of their
relationship? She was never
promiscuous. Her one
"indiscretion" happens to be my
good friend. -- TRYING TO GET
OVER IT
Indiscretion? She
fucked ONE GUY. Get over
it ya' fuckin' prude!
And its sure as hell not your
buddies fault. Don't even
think that. Maybe you're
reading something in his
countenance that's not there.
Or maybe he's leering at her,
and has the patriarchal bullshit
macho feelings that he's "one up
on you". In which case
he's an asshole.
In either case, its about how
you feel and what you can deal
with. Figure out what you
can deal with, and what you
can't, and go from there.
Maybe it is an awkward
situation, maybe its in your
head. If there's nothing
there egging you on, then its
you and your issues.
So, here's what you do:
buy lots of booze, and have your
friend over for a few beers.
Make sure everyone gets drunk,
then do a threesome.
When she's on her hands and
knees in-between you, slap a
high-five over her with your
bro'. Make sure you switch
ends periodically.
Do that and you'll get over
those jealousy feeling fast.
Otherwise, stop being such a
pussy. A girl's past
mean's nothing. Its all
about how she treats you in the
here-and-now.
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