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Trees before/after Everyday at lunch I go down a dirt road in the middle of a woods. It is serene. I pull down the road which is covered in snow, listen to music, finish what food I have, put the seat back and watch the tree tops slowly wave in the air. I watch the clouds go by like I did when I was a child, when moments would grip me with reality, intruding thoughts saying, 'enjoy this, it will never be this good again,' or 'this moment will never last'. I spent a lot of time trying to be in the moment, although I didnt realize that was what I was doing at the time. It would drive the adults crazy, like when playing flag football, I would charge the quarterback and get knocked down by bigger kids on the line. While laying on my back I would see the clouds lazily drift by, and I would lay there and watch, trying to savor the moment because I thought it wouldnt last. A ref would come over and check on me, "He's allright, he's just laying there," he'd tell the coach, and I'd get up, embarassed. It calms me to slowly watch the trees wave. Waves of wind slowly rock them back and forth, surprising motion for something so rigid. I've always enjoyed watching the trees, being in the quiet. One day I saw a flock of wild turkeys, seven of them, creeping in a line through the snow, fat and black. Cautious. Two days ago I noticed that I park next to a game trail, and I saw what looked like the tracks of a large family of deer that pass by my customary spot when I am not there. I peed by it, leaving a bright yellow stain. I didn't mean to mark my territory, it wasn't my intention. I just had to pee. I am only a half-civilized animal anyway. What does that really mean, civilization? Is it so great? I'd rather we stopped killing each other and polluting the environment. Half of the area is being slowly deforested by the company. They own a lot of land. The method they use is cruel. A large machine grabs the trees towards the middle between two giant pincers and literally breaks the trees in half, ripping them from the ground sometimes in the process. This machine has made a mess of the road and when it rains, I cannot go down the road and find my moments of peace in a hectic day. Yesterday I couldn't go down that road. I missed it.
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