I apologize.
I apologize for being such an unrepentant fuck all these years,
unrepentant for the things I should apologize for,
and being a general asshole about everything else.
I apologize for the lewd comments, the remarks,
the bad memories, the absence of full disclosure,
the displeasure, the harsh words and immaturity of youth,
bearing with it on the full fruited vine of arrogance,
things I would like to take back.
I apologize for the abuse of love, not recognizing it when it was there
neglecting it and using it when it was,
I apologize for being a reckless, drugged out asshole most of the time
I didn't need to chug whiskey before I met her family
but it really helped calm my nerves. That's not an excuse,
just an explanation. I apologize for giving in to the carnal on every possible occaision,
not nurturing emotions when I had the chance.
I apologize for not treating others with dignity and respect that they deserved.
I apologize for the womanizing, the decadence, the lack of morality,
the drugs, the rock n' roll, the booze, and general fucking around, but wasn't it fun.
I apologize for being an ape, a chimp, a upright simian,
whose lack of respect for anything surely has damned his soul by now,
not that I'm asking amyone to save it.
I apologize for the erotic poetry, the bad poetry, the good poetry,
the petty stories and everything in between.
I apologize for carrying this guilt around me for so long,
like a load of bricks, nothing I can do,
And while I'm at it, let me apologize to life itself,
for me, and my fucked up ways,
I see you, I hold you,
but it seems nothing I can do to make it better for me,
or anyone, the sheer misery weeps and wails around me
on foreign shores, distant lands, and alleways in every town.
I apologize for wasting it, and my time, being a boor, being
several generations out of the trees and not being able to stop
my fellow mankind from killing each other,
from hoarding, backstabbing and lying,
fucking each other over in a prat-fall of an existance,
designed to make someone laugh. Or at least I hope so.
And that's a general apology, not directed at you,
so don't you pay that no-nevermind-nohow
stay away from the hate that feeds you
grow contented with adoration that starves you
and in this punctual travel
through this particular non-time,
and non-space,
find peace.
I hope the dharma gets transmitted to you all, even if you have to drink every last can of coca-cola.
