I wasn't so much fixated on the car, but the squirrel.  I didn't even see the impact, but rather saw the pitible animal dragging it self off of the hot black ashpalt, frantic, terrified, its useless hind legs trailing behind it, dead and useless.  I thought about how horribly that animal would suffer, either starving to death or being eaten.  Maybe he got lucky and died of shock moments later.  I don't know.

I thought about how mankind had really intruded on the animal's domain, and belched up this filthy road made of materials that were probably better off left below the earth.  It seemed unfair, and the squirrel got fucked over properly in the deal. 

Just shitty.  I felt bad about it, about the poor little guy.  I kept seeing it in my head as I drove along to school.

So I get to school, and the white grand prix is there.  A classmate of mine gets out of it.

"DID YOU SEE THAT SQUIRREL I HIT?" he crowed, laughing about it.

"Yeah, I saw it dragging its torso behind it off the road.  That was horrible, steve.  I'm scarred."  I said.  I pantomimed how the squirrel suffered and dragged its lower body off of the busy road with its two front paws.

He laughed and kept repeating the story.  Steve's a dumbass.  I usually ignore it, except when I help him with classwork, which, in a strange way, makes me feel better about how much I realize I don't know.  Here is a man adrift in ignorance.  At least I'm not that dumb.

And every time he told the story that day, he included me.  Each time, I began my portion of the story with, "Yeah, I was wondering what asshole did that..."

Each time Steve laughed a little less.  I guess if I were to put any sort of quantification until my point got through his think head, I would have to say I called Steve an asshole many times that day. 

"Yeah, I was wondering what asshole did that, and I get to class, and its Steve!"

"Yeah, I was wondering what asshole did that..."

"Yeah, I was wondering what asshole..."

Some of my classmates mocked my position.  As for me, I'm not in favor of suffering.  I try to stop its spread when I can.  I realize that my attempts are feeble and conveniently chosen.  I realize that I even may be hypocritical in my stance.  After all, I eat tons of beef.

But in the grand scheme of things, if even a small act will reduce the level of suffering in the world just a little bit, why not do it?  Even if you still contribute to the general zen belief that all life is suffering, it doesn't negate that the small ameliorative act is still good.  It just means you haven't reduced as much suffering in the world as you possibly could.  And I suppose most people haven't even done something small.

I don't know.  I can't say its a great philosophy.  I can't say that.

But at least I try from time to time.  Theres gotta' be something good in that. 

Something mildly redemptive.

Fuckin' Steve...you fuckin' dummy.

In other animal-related news, I saw the baby rabbit I saved from the huge-assed crow outside of work a few days ago.  He nibbled on the shrubs and watched me with large rabbit eyes on his awkwardly sized body.  Not a baby really anymore, certainly not an adult.

I guess he survived after all.