I imagine I will break through that barrier soon.

Very soon.

*  *  *

I walked out of Scott's dumpy studio dorm room apartment.  It was rank, and the kid had shit strewn everywhere.  His bedding was rent asunder, like some sort of conflict had taken place there that wasn't at all pleasant.

We'd talked for awhile, and I left on amicable terms.  I was taking over his responsibility.

He picked up a copy of a movie. A DVD. 'Blow'.

"I feel like that guy...in this movie?...when he introduces that other guy to his connection?"  he said.

I can never tell which eye to look that blind bastard in.  The wandering one or the oddly still one.  I think he switches it up on me from time to time just to fuck with me.

Still, I couldn't look him in either one.

"Cut out."  he said, "That's how I feel.  Cut out."

I wrestled around all the literature and research he'd done.  Perhaps self-conciously.

"Awwww," I said, "Don't feel like that."  It was all I could manage.  After all, I was thinking about cutting him out.

To a certain extent, this is what that was.  But things must go forward.

I'll keep him involved somehow.

*  *  *

I got off the phone and swore.

"Arg...do you like your job?"  Karen, my cubie neighbor asked.

Karen is the one person in the office that, if you were to name someone, SHE'D be the one you'd pick to show up at work with a high-powered rifle and mow everyone down.

"Yes," I replied sarcastically, "I LOVE my job."

"Oh," she said quietly, "Its just that you swear everytime you get off the phone."

This is an exaggeration.  Someone is stirring trouble up for me.  Shit I do not need.

"I didnt mean to offend you."  I said.

"You DID."  she said passively.

 "I apologize." I responded.

She swears like a longshoreman.  This is just bullshit I dont need.

*   *   *

And I'm still in love with the song.  Its all I hear in my head.  Its what I listen to while I drive.

I can't escape it.  I dont want to escape it.

I just hope it doesn't let me down.