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Living the Safe Life before/after I stood in front of the crowd at the coffee shop, reading my poems at the poetry reading. It went well. They laughed when they were supposed to laugh, were quiet when it was time to be solemn. The poem 'Fear in a Denim Jacket was particularly well received, and I am getting better at reading. I sat down next to one of the regulars. This tall thin guy, pale, slight, brown eyes, and a curly mullet. Dont know why, dont know why, dont know why. "Nice job," he said about my poems of social work, "I'm starting to feel as if I know the place." He sort of spat it at me, like an accusation of some kind. I wrote it off to jealousy, because the crowd usually has no response to his reading. I check right out, even though my eyes are fixed on him. Its one way to tell if a poet has some bad stuff: you check right out and dont know what the hell they were saying. "Yeah, sorry, I guess I gotta write about it until I'm done." And its true. Later on I went to a newly revived dive bar. It used to be a dive, but it bought new furniture. I wouldnt eat there, but sitting there is half nice. There's a post that obstructs part of the pool table. The rain falls to the ground in loud spatters, in buckets. Thunder rumbles and cracks, the sky opening up over the bar, the stench of ozone from the nearby falling strokes in the air. I told some of my drug stories surrounding cocaine to a girl who likes to read at the readings. I'd call her a poet, but that might do injustice to poets. If you're scared to live, write about that. Dont pretend. "How could you NOT know that...that would be dangerous?" she judged me, condescendingly. I tried to explain the fact that its not the first, second or fiftieth line that does you in, but rather a pattern of behavior, and that a drug habit takes time to form. She didnt buy it, brainwashed by the republicans. Usually I have a good retort for whatever is thrown at me. It is a blessing and a curse. Mostly a curse, as its wise to keep one's counsel to oneself. Especially if you have a good burn sometimes. In this instance I didnt have one. I should have pointed out how dangerous it is to live the trite and overdone living the safe-life thing.
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