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Fat Man Goes To See Harry Potter before/after
Or, as I liked to call it: Harry Pooner and the Prisoner of Anal. (I worked at a video story, I know how this works. These titles will be along soon, in some fashion or the other. "Harriet Pooner was studying at Cockwarts academy, when..." My favorite title still remains Ass Ventura: Crack Detective. I wish I could make that up. Never saw it.) It was better than Harry Pooner and the Sorcerer's Bone. Maybe not better than Harry Pooner and the Chamber of Secretions. Im sitting in the theater, found a place to sit, getting settled in, and this mammoth man comes in, morbidly obese, gets by Audrey and I, attempts to get past his equally obese girlfriend, decides he cant do it, and plops down right beside me. He took up his seat and had overflow. And he was leaning in on his lady. Put the Ho-ho's down, sir. Put the ho-ho's down and slowly step away. "HI!" he said, wrapping a meathook around his large woman. I turned to Audrey, must have been a look of surprise on my face. "Do you want to move?" she whispered. "He SMELLS!" I whispered back. And it was true. He had fat person smell. That special smell, of sweat and whatever place he couldnt reach on his body. I mean, what the fuck. If you cant wash all of your body, STOP FUCKING EATING. It has to come to a point, somewhere along the fatguy trajectory where you just say "fuck it, I smell, but I cant stop eating." And at that point, seek help or something. You need to WASH. At least periodically. One needs to eliminate lingering odors. The other thing I dont understand is that these things dont happen over-night. I understand all about denial, but SHIT, MAN. When you gotta' ask for a seat belt extension on the airplane, when you can't ride the roller coaster, when you have to buy an extra-large car, its time to examine things. Think about things. Fucking ruminate. You COULDNT MAKE IT PAST YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN THE SEAT AISLE OF THE THEATER. YOU FUCKING GAVE UP. And its not your parents, its not Society being a bunch of fucking jerks. Which they CAN be, but damn dude you gotta KNOW you're bumming people out when they cant sit by you in a reasonable manner. Aud and I got up and moved to the seats directly behind us. It must have been like some societally rude slap on my part. I could tell he noticed. I felt kinda' bad. Its not that I really wanted to pass judgment or anything. I just wanted to waste my money in a comfortable fashion.
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