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Just a Shitty Night before/after I knew it was going to be a bad night when the dog looked at me, yelped and pissed on the kitchen floor. Certain things are signs. Omens. Portents of things yet-to-be. So, when Audrey's sister busted into her apartment with the neighbors dog, shouting "Go GETEM" hoping to break up a makeout session between me and Audrey, and instead the dog saw me, yelped, started quaking in fear and pissed all over her kitchen floor, I should have known that something was up. We had gone to a nice little restaurant, Guido's as Audrey was going to buy me dinner. Guido's makes nice, chicago style stuffed pizza. I like stuffed pizza. "Sorry, its a half an hour to closing time, so I dont think we can make you a pizza," the waitress said. A nearby patron exhorted me to try the soup, saying it was good. I demurred and we left to go to the Scottich Inn, home of wall to wall plaid carpeting and big black vinyl booths that are good for cuddling up to your sweetie. We ate and left after a table of obnoxious women sat down, making sounds reminiscent of a chicken farm. Incessant clucking and ubiquiteous loudness. And we went to Audrey's sister's house, as it was pre-ordained that we'd hang out. And Audrey's sister, Sarah was with the neighbor, Dr. Drew. So I fooled about with Audrey until her sister said something after the first interruption about ,"You know, it would be rude if you guys didnt make an appearance next door." And then she brought the dog in for the second interruption, who promptly pissed on the floor. "This is not what I expected at all!" she said with a look of genuine surprise. I dont know. Maybe I held my eye contact with the fucker too long. He seemed to be sensitive to that. Shaggy, matted hair and unshaven, he picked up on my vibe, and maybe thought I was to eat him. I really couldnt say. And we went next door. Little did I know that I was to be thrown into the psuedo-intellectual sawdust pit to fight for my life by yet another girl yet another time. I dont know what it is. I do know that they dont care. But often times after spending time with a girl, a guy meets her social circle. Her clique. And there is always at least one guy who will want to jump my shit. One guy who feels insecure perhaps, or something to prove. Usually an ex boyfriend, confidant or unreciprocated love. At any rate, it has something to do with them and not me. And these girls just watch. These guys will sit there and do their best to aggravate, to push my buttons, to try to get my goat, to condescend, to belittle me. And the girls dont care. I've asked. 'Why did you watch your friend go at me like he did? Why didnt you do something?' They never have an answer. But should a girl be thrown to the wolves, the tables are turned and aren't I the fucking asshole. How convienient the sterotype is hidden behind. 'you did well.' or 'you handled it' is always what they say. Or 'I didnt notice' or 'I didnt know what to do.' Let me just say, women of the world, if you want to keep a guy around, in that situation, you have to step in, and either take leave, or back them off. I have no problem with that. Most women in my company usually notice the care that my friends take with them, owing either to respect of me, or, more likely, vengance. I dont hold grudges, but some things do need to be dealt with. And hospitality is a must. Anyway, I walked into the house, which was a trap, and the dog started barking and yelping, as if to say, 'Holy Christ! He found me! And now he's on my turf!' I do think the dog thought I wanted to eat him. It must be my alpha male vibe. Or so I said to Audrey, who laughed. And then it started. I brought up my cat and said the name, 'Boo'. Sarah and drew asked why. I started to explain, and then a sentence and a half escaped my lips, and they walked away, and I was telling it to Audrey. Rude. And thats the way it went. They would ask me something, I would answer, and end up telling my answer to Aud. Until I said something about a party game that raised the hackles of the dear professor, who was clearly smitten with Audrey, owing to the deference he showed her. I dont know. Maybe he was making it with her sister. I couldnt say. Nor could I be bothered to care. Drew was an asshole. 5'6" 135 lbs of annoying bitch. Napoleon complex. He said something about 'Cranium' the party game. I mentioned something about liking it, and being surprised I liked it, because I eschew party games as a fake forced interaction, and that people shouldnt need it to get along. He bristled. "Okay, big guy." he said with arrogance turning off the movie and turning all the focus onto me, "Talk." On the spot, the sheer rudeness of his move bothered me. No hospitality. Violation of same. Plus, the condescencion. Like I'm some kind of moron that cant whip up five minutes of gab without stuttering or being broken down into muttering and tears. Fuck you, dude. So I start talking about the group that I'm a part of, about how we're trying to bring more culture to the area. And he argues vehemently that there is a lot of culture in the area, futiley trying to separate the arts from culture, as if culture was not defined by its arts, and basically trying to get me to lose my temper with simple minded attacks, insults, and general confrontational hounding. This is the first time I met the asshole. And, holy shit, truth be known, had not I been there with Aud, I would have punked him out badly. I felt the righteous anger, and it made me want to boom. But I knew in the back of my head, this is exactly what he wanted. Also he wanted to display some sort of intellectual dominance over me, so as to, presumeably, appear to be the more desireable suitor. He acted exactly like an ex-boyfriend. I so wanted to stop him and ask, "Dude, what the fuck is up with you?" But it was a breathless contest. I managed a few surreptious winks at Audrey and a wiggle of the eyebrows, making her smile and giggle. It seemed like each time I did, it aggravated him more. At one point, he described her as my girlfriend, and nearly spat the word out. He parsed all of my statements and interrupted me when I would respond. Eventually, I did almost lose my temper when he asked me to state an example of the lack of culture in the area, and when I did, he generalized my simple example to restate my premise, saying that is was my narrowminded descriptor that defined what I perceived to be a lack of culture, that I was wrong. Effectively putting words into my mouth. So I boomed at him a little, raising my voice, telling him that he was taking an example he had asked for and making it the entire scope of my conversation, and asserting my correctness in both my example and in my premise. And Audrey and Sarah supported me. Finally, anyway. And he couldnt refute it. It was like pulling a plug on a bathtub. It all drained away from him. Meanwhile, I sat there. Hot. I realized his game, and I realized I had beat him at his game. Yet another challenger defeated in the sawdust pit. And fuck I wanted nothing to do with this. Girls keep tossing me in there, hapless and alone. Perhaps someday I'll get stuck to the one who doesnt. He mumbled something and went to pee. Came back. "Shit, he wont even look at me." he said, trying to needle me into explosion. I said nothing, going inside of me. Cooling off. "Is he crying?" he said like a perfect ass, sitting up, trying to look at me. And he became entirely irrelevant to me. Which is as it should have been from the start, but I got broadsided, I guess. Maybe it was the condescension. I cant stand assholes who think they know everything. The truth is nobody knows nothing. The only way to realize that is to learn more and more and realize how much there is to know that you dont know, and realizing that nobody has the market on knowledge cornered, and never will. I think there's some kind of zen in that. I looked at him and shrugged, blank faced. I think it surprised him. He tried repetively to confront cajole, and otherwise insult me. But it was too late. Things were exchanged like, "I'm not going to vote for Bush because he's a former coke head." "You better have better reason than that, or I'm going to come over there and punch you right in the mouth." napoleon barked at me. "You're welcome to try." I said cooly, non-chalantly. He had lost it all. And I sat on the floor as I had made friends with the dog, who cuddled up to me, and his cat. "Chief," I said, playing the male ego macho wherein calling another guy 'chief' is a disrespect "Your dog needs a shave and a brush." And I won. He couldnt even cheif me back. "It always gets matted. There's nothing I could do." We talked politics and he tried to quiz me when the primaries were. "I dont know, I know they're coming up soon." "Feb. 7th." he said, revealing his little quiz, answering his own question. "Why did you ask, then, drew?" Audrey finally spoke up. I think she even noticed his behavior a little bit by that point. He didnt respond. So there it was. Four and a half hours of being put on the spot. Four and a half hours of incredible rudeness from a napoleon complex. Four and half hours of BULLSHIT that I never put up with, but for the sake of a girl and trying to get along with her friends and siblings. And do they ever care? No. Do they notice? Hardly. Its not worth it. If I run into that situation again, I should just flip everyone off and make a raspberry sound with my lips while I walk out the door. I went next door as Aud and I prepared to leave. What a shitty night. I played with her pussy for awhile, getting it very wet, eventually talking her into going into the bathroom for sex. I figured that hey, the whole night was shitty, maybe I could have some good sex and salvage part of it. However, she's very concerned about her sister knowing she has sex, as if something bad would happen. What, I dont know. And I had her pants down standing behind her in the cramped lavatory. "Bend over." I said, eager to get inside of her. She slumped her shoulders forward a few inches. She honestly had no idea. She didnt spread her legs. And she whined and complained. And whined and complained. Which made keeping it hard difficult. Sex is animal, and it is raw. It is connection on a basic level. I pushed her forward and thrust my cock into her twat. But she didnt arch her arse like she needed to, and my cock came out. She complained some more. The adrenaline was on us both, as it is when you're about to have illicit sex, sex that someone might discover you in the act of is actually quite exciting. A quickie is good for the heart. And soul. And as I grabbed my cock and tried to put it inside her again, I looked down and saw hair. Hair on the top of the crack of her ass. Long hair. Dark hair. Brown hair. Lots of it. And I gave up. There was no hope after that. It was just a bad night.
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