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Smeagol? I FUCKED him. before/after Of all the thoughts and wonderments that have crossed my mishapen brain through the day, only one has stuck with my until the moment I flopped down to the lap to tap out a little. "Goddam, wouldn't want a blowjob from those teeth," I thought while watching Gollum frolick around, gritting his nasty multi-hued grill. Yes, I watched the Twin Towers. I've been channeling my inner fantasy geek. Rented it today. And of all things, I think of being fellated by that creature. Truthfully, one of the keys to a good blowjob, at least from my end, is to not drag teeth, and something tells me Smeagol would be all about the tooth drag. Sure, he'd have some enthusiasm going for him, but if you really think it out, he'll likely bite it off in the end, unless you had the ring of power or something, and if you do, why one would waste time receiving oral favors from a little goblin-esque creature is beyond me. But hey, let it not be said that there are more freaks and kinks that are dreamt of in all your philosophy, Horatio. And, of course, from there, its a small hop skip and a jump to picturing Gollum in the middle of a full blown self love episode. Floggin' it with aplomb. Flap flap, flap, 'gollum--gollum--gollum hissssssahhhhh gollum'. The hissing and spitting would be remarkable. High pitched squeaking. Damage to the local terrain. Once one wraps one's mind around that, it comes to full blown sex with Smeagol. Personally, I can't really get too deep into that. I have this picture of me pinning Gollum down using my weight and trying to butt rape him. "Goddammit, stop it with all that hissing!" "NOOO!!! MASTER!!! --gollum, gollum-- hissssss...ULP!" But that's about it. On the receiving end its just horrible. I have a picture of some really hefty woman who dwarfs gollum, and he's as frenzied as a weasel on speed. Like a spider monkey feverishly trying to fuck a giant pumpkin. Lots of scratching and biting. Nothing really being accomplished. Howling, crying. Again, credit for enthusiasm, but not the experience that anyone would want. Yeah...soooo, that's what I thought about today that stuck with me until tonite. So...what're you thinkin'?
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