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And the Blah Blah Blah
2003-08-20 - 1:03 a.m.


before/after
strangely non-functional guestbook

Sitting in a hotel room, in a strange town.

Want to blah, blah, blah, blab out the feelings, can and can't, frayed dignity and esoteric vanity of a strange man.

I want to rant it out like a teenage girl feeling angstful about losing her virginity, with cynical minds like mine, the old whiskey gravelly bristle unshaven sounds of mind, ciggarette stinking hanging from the maw, thinking all the same thing, "Get on with it, jesus, and stop all that whining."

Groaning in heart and mind, not wanting to become a wage slave again, and keep the stupid wheel turning, watching my heart, mind and soul become eroded, ground up, eaten away.

This all would be easier if I knew someone who lived in the goddam city.  Wandered around forever, got the worst directions in the world from a white trash family.

"Go down there, turn right, go through six--no eight!--eight lights until you see a hotel, right by the highway, now don't go to the one on the other side of the street, that one's a shithole..."

Went down to a coffee shop downtown I liked, played some guitar, people trying very hard to have a "big city" attitude in bumblefuck nowhere paying little attention or gratification.  I know you were listening.

Found out, I think, that its a gay hangout.  Disproportionate amount of gay guys.  One with a bad slurping problem made small talk with me.  I think he tried to get my goat a little bit, knowing that I was hetero, but, of course, got nowhere.  Very effeminate, even primped his hair like a woman with a beehive hairdo.

Do I want to learn a new face for the evening news?

I have no talent for poverty.  If anyone wonders, there is no nobility in suffering, not really.  Art can be created on a full stomach.

I could slip off and fade away dead in safe anonymity very easily.

Just ride the carousel in perpetual ease with no brass ring grabbing, relative ease and   empty grace, carbon copy cookie cutter not mine life, terrifying in its ordianryness.

I don't want any of this though, I'd rather have a life that doesn't exist anywhere anymore, living naked off the fat of the land.

 


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