|
There Oughtta' Be A Law before/after I've started reading the "births" section of late in the shitty local paper, I guess to counterbalance my scanning of the obituaries for names that I know. I found the other day that a mullet that used to get beat up every day on the bus ride home, strangely enough by the same guy each time (who also grew up near him), had a child. Her middle name is 'Jewel'. She will be a stripper. On a related thought, if you knew going into the busride that you were going to get beat up every damn day, wouldn't you at least look for another way to get home? Bring some brass knuckles? Bribery? Anything? Oh no, he took it every day, much like Ned Beatty took it in the movie, 'Deliverance'. And also in the category of "weird" he took it from another outcast, who was known throughout the school as the "goosefucker." Rumours abounded of him killing geese and then having carnal knowledge of them. Hence the nome' de plume' 'goosefucker'. He never seemed to deny it plausibly. He was dumb. Noteriety by any means to some people is better than anonymity. Myself, I've always tried to hide and the bastards keep trying to find me wherever I go. The other guy to have a kid, on the same day, was another hapless case. He befriended another outcast named Ben. Ben threw a party one day, and to his surprise, people showed up. This must have gone straight to his head, because in his heady moment of popularity, he sold his only friendship right out without hesitation. His only friend got drunk, and Bens idea of entertainment was to strip him naked, and handcuff him to a tree. Then he goaded everyone into spraying him with ketchup, mustard, mayo, and spittle. The final coup de' gras was the polaroids he took. All for his fifteen minutes of fame. His only friend. Ben's friend got his revenge, TP'ing his house, and doing other acts of standard vengance. Of course, the same guys who helped him do this, were the same ones who sprayed condiments on his naked form a week earlier. And now, many drug soaked years later, he's had a child. I openly question which is the more depressing section of the newspaper to read. The morons are out reproducing the smart people twelve to one. There oughtta' be a law.
|
