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Send Me On My Way before/after and the wooshwooshwoosh of the waves as I lay on the beach--third time this week, got mocked the last time, and I may not go back--at least I think I did, a group of geeks and homely people who were drunk, loud, aggressive, obnoxious. I walked up to a girl with my now standard "Could you put suntan lotion on my back, please? I don't want to get a sunburn" routine which always works, been getting teenage girls to do it lately, the prettiest ones are the most aggressive as they look at their friends to see who's going to do it, the old psychology 'divided responsibility' task, this all part of my 'building non-sexual interactions with women' thing that I'm working on,a work in progress even still as I went for my sunday drive, which has turned into a sunday walk, walked with another teenage girl, (and they seem drawn to me, when I play, when I walk, succulent in their beauty and lovliness, I often play with them like a kitten plays with a mouse, but never going in for the kill, or the consumation), making decent conversation, although I peeked down her blouse several times, I couldn't help myself, long creamy white legs without a blemish, perky bottom that said "princess" on her backside, white blouse, succuletn breasts, no chin, unfortunately, straight line to her neck in a way, and its all been working well lately, and I ask this woman, not a girl, "Would you put suntan lotion on my back, please? I don't want to get sunburned." to have her look at me, as the geeks make some kinda' noise that picked up as soon as I started moving, one of them with a John Deere tattoo on him, really proud of it, and she looked at me a long time, and I said, "Please?" "Are you serious?" And I couldn't believe that I was about to get turned down. So I said again, "I don't want to get sunburned." And she looked at me some more, saying ,"They're making fun of you." And I hadn't even noticed. Its not that I felt above them, or better than anyone, just that I had absolutely nothing to do with them, which, if they were mocking me, this makes perhaps twice in a month that I've been mocked by strangers, counting the coked up yuppies who called me an asshole and later demanded I play guitar along with one of their wives on piano, which I was glad to do, but not with so much pressure, not performance pressure, but verbal, 'c'mon, play something, play ANYTHING' type of pressure, I'd say I'll give it to the next guy that says something cross to me, but I don't really care, and have a hard time noticing, because, really, what do anyone else's insecurities have to do with me? or mine? And I sat down on my knees in the sand, and I said to the woman. "I really don't care." She said, "okay. sit here" not making a move to turn to deign to put lotion on my back. So I moved, and she did it quickly. The only thing I heard from the geeks that I understood was, "Hey, do you think you're on 'Baywatch? Do you want me to run in slow motion past you?" She laughed at that. I don't know if she was friends with them or not, I mean, I only wanted suntan lotion on my back so I wouldn't be in pain later, no cancer or all that, and not to be the object of all these repressed insecurities. I noticed the empty space near their enclave. I noticed the girls around looking at me, but thought nothing of it. That is normal for my life. Along with the wooshwooshwoosh of the waves. I should have put two and two together. And it ground me a little. But the alternatives were all negative, and letting people like that inside my isle of calm wouldn't have been pleasant for any of us. They left and I read, tried to meditate but failed utterly.
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