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Old People Can Be Fun
2002-11-04 - 2:12 p.m.


before/after
strangely non-functional guestbook

As I've been getting well, I chirp more.

Much like a bird, except with less pretense.  And less u[ptight bullshit.  Especially the little birds.  Uptight motherfuckers.

Anyway, I catch myself doing it from time to time.  A buoncy of well-being, sometimes you never know how far down you've been until you start getting back up.

So I walked into the house, not thinking or anything.

And I said, "Bwaaaaaa."  in falsetto.  A lower, throaty falsetto, but a falsetto nonetheless.

Bwaaaaa.

And the 'rents sat bolt upright in their recliners and room full of newport light menthol ciggarrette smoke.  I spooked the fuck out of them.

"Arg...are you...okay?"

"What the hell was that?"

I tried in later days to acheive the same result.  No dice.

Bwaaaaa.

-----

They had their life long high school friends over.  They get together with them every friday and vacation with them every winter.  Good people.  Look past the provincial sterotypes and you will see they're good people.  I do.

Anyway, my dad's best friend, Larry, was talking about a wedding.

"...and the bride and groom hugged everybody in the church.  Every last one.  Except me."

Larry is a large man, with a mean look, and a red head.  I mean red.  Not his hair.  His head.

I don't know why.

I was getting ready to leave. 

"Everybody except me."  he said, "Can you believe it?"

"Can you blame them?"  I said.

and later....

Politicians had been calling with their annoying automated phone calls.  The gubenatorial candidates had been calling repeatedly, Dick and Jen.

They were getting ready to leave for their friday night dinner and drinks.

"And if Dick calls, Arg, I got his number if I need him."  Larry says, being genial for an old grouch.

"So you've got the number for Dick."  I say.

"Yep, I got his number,"  he said.

I laughed inwardly and mugged at father.

"So if you need dick, you've got the number."  I say.

"uh-huh." he says.

I again looked at my father, who sees that I am having too much fun with this.

"Are we having a play on words?"  he admonishes.

"No,"  I say, "I just think its funny that if Larry needs dick, he's got the number."

Old people can be fun sometimes.


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