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No Choice Otherwise before/after **buy the ticket, take the ride** I bought a house. Got a sweet deal on a 1900 square foot victorian style. 55k. Ended up putting 22% down to get a FHA loan. Why does the government keep loaning me money? So I owe 43k on that. And that's the least of my loans, truthfully. I have some gigantor student loans. I have 2 semesters left at school, then, with luck, I will sit for the bar in february of the following year and be a licensed attorney. Ha. If you read my diary up until now...that would be...funny. ***Oh god, Gary Jules version of 'Mad World' just popped up on my iPod. That song can make puppies playing in the sunshine seem depressing*** Anyway, I have huge student loan debt, so taking on an additional 43k for a house was a no brainer. Most of my comparables were in the 70k range. So I have my own dojo. Shacked up with Audrey. That's going ok. She's never lived with anyone else, so there's been a few rough patches, but I like to think/hope that we're coming to the other side. Weird to live with her. She's still vanilla, so I don't know if it will work out or not, but I've made it work for, like, a decade now. So why not. Its not that I'm looking to BBD her. Far from it. I am not. I just need some kink to go with my jam, YOU KNOW? Eh. Anyway, I'm killing time in the library because my class doesn't start for another hour or so. Spent 411 dollars on books for this semester on TWO fucking books. I'm so in the wrong racket... Went to the coffee shop. Cute girl behind the counter put on her hipster glasses and tried to pitch it back and forth with me. I don't think she's used to anyone being able to keep up with her. It was interesting, if...pointless. I guess I just love women. I love the game. The banter. The attention...? Am I seeking validation for my attractiveness as I get older? Am I making up for lost time for my earlier awkwardness in my late teens? I don't know. Am I looking for an engagement and warmth I don't get from Audrey? Possibly. Eh, it will go nowhere, with anyone else. As ever, my relationship with Audrey will survive or fail on its merits, not because I submarined it. I started the last chapter of this diary as a 'search for the right girl'. Is Audrey the right girl? Is anyone? Am I the right guy? I suppose that's something you prove every day, isn't it? No time to rest on your laurels. -=- I built an end table the other day, because I needed an end table. And because I could. So, in half an hour I threw one together and got several splinters. Those splinters got infected and I am now on anti-biotics. Audrey looked over my thumb after I was in so much pain I could not sleep. My thumb looked like a swollen sausage. "That looks weird." she said. Thanks, baby. What would I do without you. ----- I put up a motion sensor light in the backyard and my house became my home. I can't explain why. ---- Audrey gave me the best blowjob the other night. I found if I close my eyes and concentrate on what she's doing with her tongue, it gets intense. She let out a moan and kept going to work. The hotter it got the more she moaned. And her moaning turned me on more. Eventually I was about ready to come, and as any cocksucker will tell you, I was already letting some precum go. She pulled off and made a smacking 'tasty' sound with her mouth, and as if I could see her thought, it was as if she wanted to prolong the moment, make me last longer. And then went at it like a fiend. I didn't last much longer. ------ So, I don't know how all this will play out. I'm commuting 1.5 hours to school 4x a week this week (3hrs per day round trip.) If my car dies, I'm fucked. Something tells me to be positive, so I will be positive. Maybe this was my destiny: to get my JD. So maybe this will all work. ------- I might be running out of federal student loans. Not sure. I can still get Grad Plus loans, but those are private and I'd rather not fuck with them. It will come down to the wire, for sure. I'm running this long gamble, taking a long risk, almost like running a long-con. And I've got to make it work.
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