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Wanna Buy A Kidney? before/after I could sell a kidney on Ebay. Fuck me. Life sucks. Had a moment in the shower today. No, not that type of moment. I can fuck in the shower, but I cannot masturbate. Unfortunately. (memory: I was in the shower in the master bedroom when I was younger, with my then-girlfriend. It has a sort-of corny set built in the side. Not as cool as it sounds. Anyway, I was watching my girlfriend shower, ahhh, she was luscious, and masturbating. Then the thought hit me, 'Why the hell am I jerking off?' Which is really a novel thought for me. And I pulled her over, so her legs spread over mine, stood up, penetrated her, and in the process, actually lifted her with my cock. She was much shorter than me. Of course, my arms took some of the weight. But most of it was man-root power. The look on her face was priceless. She said something trite, like, 'Gawd, stud.', and then I fucked the hell out of her against the wall of the shower as warm water cascaded over our entangled bodies. ) Anyway, at that moment, I was feeling largely abandoned. Abandoned by friends and lovers. And the thought hit me, that I could build from scratch, from the ground up, if I so chose. It was liberating. In a way. Still don't know what I'm going to do about the money. I will stop the expensive treatments until I have a way to pay for it, which really sucks, because I really need that. But I can't accept being that kind of a liability, a drain. To anyone. I suppose, given that when I fully recover, and get everything straightened out, over the course of time my earning power will be enough that I can pay them back. When this will happen, I don't know. Still focused on a survival level right now. And it skews my thoughts for the future. Should I wander away, it has to be for money. Perhaps my days of drifting for mediocre reasons are over, and adulthood looms. Then again, everything that I am thinking could be foolish, as life's twists and turns are never what is expected. I want passion and adventure, romance and lust. Muuuuuu-sic. Muses. Art. All this shit just drags me down. Wanna buy a kidney? I'll send it to you in a jar. It makes a great conversation piece.
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