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I was on TV before/after And the very next day I found myself sitting by the television, watching a local newscast that I never watch, waiting for it to broadcast images of me. It happened rather suddenly in the parking lot of the nearest grocery store. A small blonde woman in sunglasses approached me rather aggressively. I turned my head and gazed at her through mirrored shades. Ye gods, what weirdo has tracked me down now. I arched my eyebrows, granting acknowledgement. "Excuse me, can you answer a few questions..." she paused. Why yes, yes I can. "...about the settlement granted today by the city in the sexual harrassment case between the former police cheif and her subordiante?" Yes, I can answer questions about lesbian love. Or pretend to, in any case. "Sure, " I said. Fuckin' survey takers. Oh well. "For TV?" she said. I hadn't counted on that. "Sure, " I said, with a note of disappointment in my voice. Not a fan of such stuff, I have never wanted to be the one person they corner that "saw the accident happen". Indeed. "OH MAH LORD! AH SAW THE WHOLE THING HAPPEN! SHEEEOUT! CAN AH SAY SHEEEOUT ON THE AIR?!" Its just so not me. The camera man was in my face in an instant. Microphone in my face. She asked me several stilted questions, trying to get me to say something bad about the police department. This, the day after I got let off of a rather large speeding ticket. What surreal kind of week is this? One of those weeks that pop up from time to time that keep me interested. I ended the questioning with the statement, "The police do a wonderful job, it just sounds like a few people had a few bad ideas." Not the best I could come up with, but not bad on the spot for summarizing a murkey sexual harrassment case between two ugly lesbians and a settlement for a quarter of a million dollars, replete with my feelings of same. So I sat and waited for my faced to be beamed across the airways. Such a novelty. I should have thought to give a fake name. Preferably a local pedophile. They showed the story. There I was, full in mirrored sunglass glory! Right after the old assed veteran selling little fake poppies, who seemed to be pissed off for some reason. They mangled one of my answers. "And in the city, the frustration boiled over..." began the reporter. 'It sounds like an admission of guilt-' I said. I was on TV.
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