|
Baby, Your the Greatest before/after A good friend of mine had a child. Well, his wife had the child, he simply provided the sperm. You know how it goes. I went to take a look at the little wiggler today. Before I went, I tried to find a baby hat with my favorite sports team logo emblazoned upon it. It is a singular experience, as I have divined, to be not only an adult male attempting to buy baby clothes, let alone a single man attempting to buy baby clothes. I still do not know what to make of some of the looks I got. Some struck me as a mixture between 'pedophile' , 'shoplifter' (caught a security guard talking about me through his hi-tech set...), and strangely, 'sucker'. Couldn't find said hat. Had trouble finding any sort of hat whatsoever. So I didn't get anything. I will find something eventually, because the kid needs it. Also, he needs to start out on the right foot, if I am ever to like him. But I did feel like something of a sap, and realized that maybe part of being a man, is being yourself in whatever you do, regardless of however the people around you respond. Perhaps, then, I was shopping for my child (had I such an accouterment), fuck you my kid needs clothes. And maybe its just something that is a part of being a complete person, and resisting the pre-concieved notions of the masses. Walked all over the mall, and I fucking hate malls of any kind. By the time I left, after scoping several stores, I felt like I had walked quite a distance, which is disconcerting, because I was only shopping. I loathe shopping. I go buying. The mall started filling up with teens, annoying obnoxious boys and cute girls. So I fled. Went over to my friends, where he was changing a dirty diaper. The child lay on the rug in between us, while his wife sat on the couch. She seemed a bit shell shocked. I suppose I would, too, had I gone through 24 hours of labor before getting an epidural. I asked her when she was having another one. She cringed a bit. "We'll see how this one turns out." My friend was good with his son, who fussed a little, but did not really cry much, laying there like a sack of potatoes, mostly, fidgeting, and seemingly staring at his father. He couldn't lift his head. At one point he looked like he wanted to roll over, and my friend rolled him over. The baby tried to get up to a crawling position, but, being a week old, it did not have the muscle to do it yet. Then he got pissed. My friend put a pacifier in his mouth, the kid shit his drawers, loudly so, and I left.
|
