ss1

Blah blah vampire emergency blah
2011-01-03 - 3:28 p.m.


before/after
strangely non-functional guestbook

---Fragments---


Clear the deck, like Napoleon selling the Louisiana Purchase just before plunging the world into war. Why not? In his mind, he was just going to get it back anyway.

Such hubris. Still, one man may bend the spine of the world with his fist.

Ask William the Conqueror. Fucks sake, we *still* use the basic system of property law that he encoded around 1066.

10-fucking-66. Still think we're modern? It fucking kills me.

What's more is that was based on a system of property law descended from Rome.

Ancient Rome. i.e. Augustus Ceasar, over 2000 years ago.

Fucking depressing. I would like to think we are more advanced than that, but, ultimately, we are not.

We improve our tools and instruments, but some of our bedrock institutions have yet to evolve.

Or, as noted above, if they do, it is by the will of one man, and many die in the process.

Ask Chairman Mao. 40 million dead, although that was due to the 'great leap forward' as much as anything. Still, he badly bent the spine of property law by decreeing all property is state property in China, and here we are fifty years later, give or take, dealing with it.

It amazes me that one driven person can make so much history as some of these people. I tend to feel capable--for the most part, I guess...I mean to say that the more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing much at all, and it only serves to illuminate to me the fact that I was wrong about everything in the first place--but I also feel largely ineffectual. Life goes on at a frantic pace, slipping by me untouched into the pages of history and should I be no more the world would scarcely have a mark that I was upon it.

And along those lines, I struggle with philosophy. Eliminating desire. Buddhist principles. I am a creature of mixed emotions, of passion and action, and I feel that the institutions of life would dictate that I take a seat and watch it go by.

And the thing is--I like to do that, too. I love to sit by the riverbank and watch the water wash away. Such a fitting metaphor in so many respects.

In essence, the physical is temporal, changeable, and largely irrelevant. I should not care so much about all that is going on around me and find contentment wherever I lay my head and with whomever I lay down with at night.

Such a difficult thing to do...I was born to be insatiable, I believe. The only time I find satiation is when I'm immersed in my creative pursuits, and then am able to come out for a round of passion. Tough to get paid for all of that these days.

I, like everyone else, would like to win the lottery, failing any talent or way to provide for myself by wit and creativity.

My, I sound like a pompous twaddle these days. Fucks sake.

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My old laptop died. I now have a powerhouse. It is huge, and really unfit for travel. So I bought a SECOND one, a smaller HP Pro. Durable for both work and school.

This one, this Qosmio--it does everything and is very comfortable for me. Should I find a way to get my creative work-flow going again in sync with some efficient scheduling of same, I should think it will produce many fine works for me.

Also, I need the passwords to anybody who has passworded their diary. I will be in touch, begging.

Don't make me beg too long. It is debasing, and I'm a prideful creature.

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Oh, its nice and quiet at work. I love to be able to descend into these thoughts.

Unfortunately, this also means I am not making any money. Which is bad.

Somehow I am under the delusion that money doesn't matter, and that I shall find it all in good time as I pursue the things I pursue.

Blind faith, as they say.

I suppose even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

Off to get a cooling pad.

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Back.

Took a week or so off of work to recharge my batteries, drained as they were from work and school.

Did I mention I was going to law school? Not sure I did. I could look, but why bother.

And I commute to my classes from work. 400 miles or so a week. I'm doing this while running my father's business.

Its a lot.

I'm not in love with the eyeglass business. And I'm at a disadvantage not being an optometrist or ophthalmologist. I'm not allowed to accept the major eye-insurances plans, although I may accept bcbs.

So I lose on that, and I must pay someone to check eyes. I get no money for referral for cataract work or the like.

When I walked in it just seemed like a losing proposition. Never compete on anything but a level field, unless the field is tilted to your advantage.

So I opted for law school, long a dream of mine.

I suppose if I was making more money doing what I was doing I would be happy. But sometimes...for the money I make...some of these people can just go piss up a flag-pole.

You know they type--I'm sorry you're broke and I realize this is a big decision for you, but your manipulative techniques only belittle us both. Buy it or don't. Wheedling me, or worse, attempting to bully me, just will not work, and I'm of no mind to bend over backwards to kiss your ass. Sorry!

I'm just saying: you've already got my best price. My margins are stripped to the bone.

idk. They say it takes all kinds, but there are just some people out there that are chronically unhappy motherfuckers and they wish to spread this unhappiness to the rest of the world.

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More to come.

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