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Can you not see it? before/after I felt free and obnoxious for twenty minutes today. Its a nice change back to normal, even if it didnt last. Or won't last. Seems my life is about obligation. or is it? Its not as if Im married. Its not as if I have kids. But I'm taking care of my mom, and keeping the business running. These things take time and a measure of responsibility. And obligation. Still, things are in the works. Life won't always be like this, but then, I've always known, and always had the feeling, even in the most sublime of moments, that life would never always be like this. There is no stasis. Not for me. So how do I see these other people about me as if they were bugs trapped in amber? They get a job, fester in a sinkhole for 30 years, get fat, pop out some kids...and what? How do they not know that each day of their lives is going to be, more or less, exactly the fuckin' same? Do they find solace in this? Happiness? Security? Is that the rub? Is that why, maybe on some metaphysical level, I've chosen this life of mine? This trajectory, despite knowing the hardships and pain? I can't say that I necessarily secretly learn for the passive life. That feels like strangulation, like being smothered by so many vacuum cleaners. But...even though I've done what I've done, and am at where I am, I do not have a sense that things will stay this way. And that both bothers me and re-assures me at the same time. I'd like to make a lot of money quickly and dedicate my time to freeing minds. Freethinkers. Free them from the instruments of control, so even if they opt for the yoke they can at least say they did it themselves. That's what I've felt passionate about lately. Someone asked me, and of late, that is my answer. I want people to see the world for what it is, and how they are controlled practically every minute, their existance shepherded from cradle to grave with a foregone fate. Its that sometimes I feel like I'm one of the few people who walk through the world awake, while all around me are people who stumble blindly through, sleep walking their way through life. Disengaged from what's happening around them, absent from passion and excastsy. Unaware of the goodness that life can be, blindly accepting everything as it is. GODDAM, WE CAN BE SO MUCH MORE. CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?
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