Advice for the Other Woman
2007-12-16 - 8:03 p.m.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a professional woman in my late 20s. I admit
to being commitment-phobic. I have no desire to be married or even in a
relationship. I have always felt this way.
I recently began having an affair with a married man. We have
never spoken about his wife, but he knows I know he's married. I do not
want an emotional relationship with him, and I think he is on the same
page.
I know I should feel guilty about this, but somehow I don't. I
feel as though his wife undoubtedly realizes what's going on.
Considering that he spends every other weekend at my house, how could
she not know? Maybe she's choosing to ignore it. Could this be the
reason I'm having a hard time feeling guilty?
I have always despised cheaters. What has prompted me to
change and be so heartless? At this point, the only reason I would want
to end this liaison would be if he were to tell me he wanted more from
this situation. Abby, I need some tough, honest, brutal advice to make
me finally stop this. -- THE OTHER WOMAN IN ST. PAUL
DEAR OTHER WOMAN: I'll try. If you truly felt good about this
relationship, you would not have written to me asking for my help in
ending it. Whether your lover's wife knows about the affair or not is
beside the point. She may tolerate it because she enjoys her lifestyle
and doesn't want it disrupted because her husband is a womanizer.
You call yourself "heartless" and say you don't feel guilty.
However, I believe neither statement is true. You are involved in this
relationship because it feels good, and I caution you that when
something feels good, it is easy to become addicted. Once that happens,
you WILL become emotionally vulnerable, and then you'll be in for a
world of pain. There's no free lunch. There is always a price tag that
somebody has to pay.
ARGENTUM SEZ:
Its natural to feel SOMETHING about a situation like this.
If everybody is consenting, tacitly or otherwise, then the
only question remains: how do YOU feel about it.
You don't have any investment, but maybe banging a married
man eats at your conscience in some manner. If you can't deal
with the situation, or it doesn't fit with your view of yourself, then
mention your thoughts to your lover, and let it go.
Otherwise, if everyone is cool, all appearances are kept up (if so
desired), and everyone is acting responsibly (read: keeping
clean and following safer sex protocol)...where's the problem?
Again, this is all about you, and how comfortable you are
with this choice.
And you're not
heartless, you're choosing to get LAID. It happens.
We're all closer to animals than gods.
Need advice?
Email Argentum at [email protected]
subject line: advice
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