Inner Thought
2006-11-05 - 1:54 a.m.
before/after
strangely
non-functional guestbook
FADE IN:
Darkness. After all, this is inside my head. JAY Look. Here it is: I don't know who's driving this bus. ARGENTUM Whatta' load a shit. You know exactly who's driving. JAY Well it sure as shit isn't me. ARGENTUM Bullshit. JAY What? Fuck you. ARGENTUM I said 'bullshit'. Its just an excuse for you to blame your mistakes, your shortcomings, your failures and weaknesses on. You blame it on me. Always have. Its like that pastor out in Colorado,"The Devil made me do it" Temptation. What a crock of shit. No one has ever needed help promulgating evil. You're just another link in that chain, my friend. JAY Am I your friend? ARGENTUM (mockingly) Am I your friend? You fuckin' pussy. JAY *sigh* ARGENTUM You've just turned into such a fuckin' pussy lately. JAY No I haven't.
2. ARGENTUM Uh-huh.
JAY DON'T FUCK WITH ME. ARGENTUM All right, all right, you crazy cock sucker. I'm sorry, I take it back. Its interesting, though, to think that you link my birth back to the days when you'd write to escape. When the parent's screamed and shouted. When you ran out of tears and shut them all out, running to your room to grab a piece of paper and talk about 'wisps and shadows'. 'Webs of anonymity'. What the fuck did that mean, anyway? JAY Not really sure. Just trying to get it all out, I guess. The good, the bad, the things I didn't understand. ARGENTUM I think you do understand. I think you still understand, you just can't admit it. JAY Well, maybe some day. ARGENTUM Maybe some day. JAY Shit, we got a lot aheada' us. ARGENTUM I know. JAY I don't wanna' talk anymore. ARGENTUM I know. Besides, anyone that reads this will think you're a crazy son- of-a-bitch. JAY Yeah. But...
3. ARGENTUM ...that's all right.
JAY Its not like...as if they didn't think I wasn't crazy before. ARGENTUM Now get me some Vicodin. JAY We'll see. Its pretty late. ARGENTUM Yeah, like that shit will keep you up or something. JAY Well, I want to SHIT tomorrow. ARGENTUM You will. See? Stop being such a pussy. JAY Fuck you! Gawd! ARGENTUM Like I said, quit being such a puss, go in there, grab a vicodin and wash it the fuck down. JAY *sigh* Dude, I don't know. I think we'll be further ahead just going to sleep. ARGENTUM Meh. I can't concede. Its not in my nature. What I will say, though, is that Vicodin dreams are WEIRD dreams. JAY Yeah, you got that right. ARGENTUM Although the dreams last night weren't vicodin dreams. JAY No, they weren't. Very pleasant dreams, at that.
4. ARGENTUM Yeah. Pleasant. What was it, you were in some sort of college dorm, next to a blue sea, with an open patio that opened to a peninsula ringed with snow-capped mountains?
JAY Yeah. (laughs) And...god, what was her name...was my girlfriend, but she kept stalking me, answering my phone for me saying "WHO THE HELL IS THIS!" ARGENTUM Fuck, I can't think of her name, either. Big, talent-less Hollywood starlet. JAY Yeah, she did the Herbie the Love Bug piece of dog shit. ARGENTUM And appeared on Saturday Night Live with big boobs in this sketch about Harry Potter. JAY Then got all skinny, and changed her hair color. Has a raspy voice. Can't act for fuckin; SHIT. ARGENTUM Fuck! What is her name? JAY I guess it doesn't matter. She runs with that Paris Hilton crowd. ARGENTUM And the world would shrug if they disappeared. Wilmer Valderamma said she was a bad lay. JAY Lynne Cheney? ARGENTUM No! Jesus! You and politics. I swear you're such a fuckin' geek. That's why you need me.
5. JAY Yes. That's why I need you. Uh- huh. Mr. Inflatable Ego over there. I hear you ticking off the incidents of Weird Shit you claim to have gotten me through.
ARGENTUM (in the background) Menage-a-trois, fights, drugs, weird sex, streaking, flashing...doing acid and cliff climbing outside of Boulder CO. And that whole messy incident in Aspen. JAY Yeah, ok. I can give you the last two. Of course, you realize, if I make anything of myself ever, this will all have to be deleted. ARGENTUM So what? I'm a creature of the moment. Now go get me that Vicodin. JAY *sigh* I'm getting tired. ARGENTUM Hey, I got tired hanging from the seat of my pants many stories up on that cliff face. Did you hear me complain? JAY No. Not too loudly. I did hear someone say, "We shouldn't be doing this..." ARGENTUM That was you. JAY Oh. ARGENTUM I was totally confident. JAY As you usually are. ARGENTUM So are you.
6. JAY See, that's where I think we bond.
ARGENTUM For the most part. You do have this nasty streak of self-doubt. JAY I can get up in front of crowds with no problem. ARGENTUM I argue that this is something different than confidence. JAY Like what? I don't. ARGENTUM Not sure. Suicide-brave, maybe. Or just not giving a fuck what people think. Maybe just being in the moment. Some kind of zen-like shit. JAY I don't know. I can just kinda' walk on stage, and its just me, amplified a bit for entertainment purposes. A little showy, maybe. ARGENTUM That's me. JAY But all the enrapturing, emotionally involving performances,..that's me. ARGENTUM I have no problem giving you credit for that. JAY Now you're sounding like my father. ARGENTUM Ick. That's fuckin' scary. I shall retreat. JAY Yeah, no shit. Me, too. Better you said it than me, anyway.
7. ARGENTUM I guess.
JAY Yep. ARGENTUM Good night. JAY Yeah, good night. ARGENTUM LINDSAY LOHAN! JAY Jesus. Ok. Better late than never, asshole. ARGENTUM You know you love me. What would you do without me? JAY Live a peaceful, healthy life? ARGENTUM Or whatever. A life devoid of fun. Passion. JAY Yeah, I don't know about that. I'm a pretty passionate person. (pause) I was going to say "we'll see", which is so reminsicient of my MOTHER. ARGENTUM Goddam, dude. What the fuck. See? Maybe you shoulda' gotten us that Vicodin, we wouldn't be having these sorts of problems. JAY *sigh* ARGENTUM Either way, put us to bed. JAY Yeah, you got it. Give me good dreams tonight?
8. ARGENTUM If I could, I would. And I would have long ago, when you were being tortured by demons for all those years every night in your dreams.
JAY Ok ARGENTUM Ok. Goodnight. JAY Goodnight, (pause) Fuck, its crowded in here. ARGENTUM Two's company, yo. THREE'S a motherfuckin' crowd. JAY Ok. ARGENTUM Ok JAY Goodnight. ARGENTUM Goodnight. FADE OUT.
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