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Inner Thought
2006-11-05 - 1:54 a.m.
before/after
strangely
non-functional guestbook
FADE IN:
Darkness. After all, this is inside my head. JAY
Look. Here it is: I don't know
who's driving this bus. ARGENTUM
Whatta' load a shit. You know
exactly who's driving. JAY
Well it sure as shit isn't me. ARGENTUM
Bullshit. JAY
What? Fuck you. ARGENTUM
I said 'bullshit'. Its just an
excuse for you to blame your
mistakes, your shortcomings, your
failures and weaknesses on. You
blame it on me. Always have. Its
like that pastor out in
Colorado,"The Devil made me do it"
Temptation. What a crock of shit.
No one has ever needed help
promulgating evil. You're just
another link in that chain, my friend. JAY
Am I your friend? ARGENTUM
(mockingly)
Am I your friend? You fuckin' pussy. JAY
*sigh* ARGENTUM
You've just turned into such a
fuckin' pussy lately. JAY
No I haven't.
2.
ARGENTUM
Uh-huh.
JAY
DON'T FUCK WITH ME. ARGENTUM
All right, all right, you crazy
cock sucker. I'm sorry, I take it
back. Its interesting, though, to
think that you link my birth back
to the days when you'd write to
escape. When the parent's screamed
and shouted. When you ran out of
tears and shut them all out,
running to your room to grab a
piece of paper and talk about
'wisps and shadows'. 'Webs of
anonymity'. What the fuck did that
mean, anyway? JAY
Not really sure. Just trying to
get it all out, I guess. The good,
the bad, the things I didn't
understand. ARGENTUM
I think you do understand. I think
you still understand, you just
can't admit it. JAY
Well, maybe some day. ARGENTUM
Maybe some day. JAY
Shit, we got a lot aheada' us. ARGENTUM
I know. JAY
I don't wanna' talk anymore. ARGENTUM
I know. Besides, anyone that reads
this will think you're a crazy son-
of-a-bitch. JAY
Yeah. But...
3.
ARGENTUM
...that's all right.
JAY
Its not like...as if they didn't
think I wasn't crazy before. ARGENTUM
Now get me some Vicodin. JAY
We'll see. Its pretty late. ARGENTUM
Yeah, like that shit will keep you
up or something. JAY
Well, I want to SHIT tomorrow. ARGENTUM
You will. See? Stop being such a
pussy. JAY
Fuck you! Gawd! ARGENTUM
Like I said, quit being such a puss,
go in there, grab a vicodin and
wash it the fuck down. JAY
*sigh* Dude, I don't know. I
think we'll be further ahead just
going to sleep. ARGENTUM
Meh. I can't concede. Its not in
my nature. What I will say, though,
is that Vicodin dreams are WEIRD
dreams. JAY
Yeah, you got that right. ARGENTUM
Although the dreams last night
weren't vicodin dreams. JAY
No, they weren't. Very pleasant
dreams, at that.
4.
ARGENTUM
Yeah. Pleasant. What was it, you
were in some sort of college dorm,
next to a blue sea, with an open
patio that opened to a peninsula
ringed with snow-capped mountains?
JAY
Yeah.
(laughs)
And...god, what was her name...was
my girlfriend, but she kept
stalking me, answering my phone for
me saying "WHO THE HELL IS THIS!" ARGENTUM
Fuck, I can't think of her name,
either. Big, talent-less Hollywood
starlet. JAY
Yeah, she did the Herbie the Love
Bug piece of dog shit. ARGENTUM
And appeared on Saturday Night Live
with big boobs in this sketch about
Harry Potter. JAY
Then got all skinny, and changed
her hair color. Has a raspy voice.
Can't act for fuckin; SHIT. ARGENTUM
Fuck! What is her name? JAY
I guess it doesn't matter. She
runs with that Paris Hilton crowd. ARGENTUM
And the world would shrug if they
disappeared. Wilmer Valderamma
said she was a bad lay. JAY
Lynne Cheney? ARGENTUM
No! Jesus! You and politics. I
swear you're such a fuckin' geek.
That's why you need me.
5.
JAY
Yes. That's why I need you. Uh-
huh. Mr. Inflatable Ego over there.
I hear you ticking off the
incidents of Weird Shit you claim
to have gotten me through.
ARGENTUM
(in the background)
Menage-a-trois, fights, drugs,
weird sex, streaking,
flashing...doing acid and cliff
climbing outside of Boulder CO.
And that whole messy incident in Aspen. JAY
Yeah, ok. I can give you the last
two. Of course, you realize, if I
make anything of myself ever, this
will all have to be deleted. ARGENTUM
So what? I'm a creature of the
moment. Now go get me that Vicodin. JAY
*sigh* I'm getting tired. ARGENTUM
Hey, I got tired hanging from the
seat of my pants many stories up on
that cliff face. Did you hear me
complain? JAY
No. Not too loudly. I did hear
someone say, "We shouldn't be doing
this..." ARGENTUM
That was you. JAY
Oh. ARGENTUM
I was totally confident. JAY
As you usually are. ARGENTUM
So are you.
6.
JAY
See, that's where I think we bond.
ARGENTUM
For the most part. You do have
this nasty streak of self-doubt. JAY
I can get up in front of crowds
with no problem. ARGENTUM
I argue that this is something
different than confidence. JAY
Like what? I don't. ARGENTUM
Not sure. Suicide-brave, maybe.
Or just not giving a fuck what
people think. Maybe just being in
the moment. Some kind of zen-like
shit. JAY
I don't know. I can just kinda'
walk on stage, and its just me,
amplified a bit for entertainment
purposes. A little showy, maybe. ARGENTUM
That's me. JAY
But all the enrapturing, emotionally
involving performances,..that's me. ARGENTUM
I have no problem giving you credit
for that. JAY
Now you're sounding like my father. ARGENTUM
Ick. That's fuckin' scary. I
shall retreat. JAY
Yeah, no shit. Me, too. Better
you said it than me, anyway.
7.
ARGENTUM
I guess.
JAY
Yep. ARGENTUM
Good night. JAY
Yeah, good night. ARGENTUM
LINDSAY LOHAN! JAY
Jesus. Ok. Better late than never,
asshole. ARGENTUM
You know you love me. What would
you do without me? JAY
Live a peaceful, healthy life? ARGENTUM
Or whatever. A life devoid of fun.
Passion. JAY
Yeah, I don't know about that. I'm
a pretty passionate person.
(pause)
I was going to say "we'll see",
which is so reminsicient of my MOTHER. ARGENTUM
Goddam, dude. What the fuck. See?
Maybe you shoulda' gotten us that
Vicodin, we wouldn't be having
these sorts of problems. JAY
*sigh* ARGENTUM
Either way, put us to bed. JAY
Yeah, you got it. Give me good
dreams tonight?
8.
ARGENTUM
If I could, I would. And I would
have long ago, when you were being
tortured by demons for all those
years every night in your dreams.
JAY
Ok ARGENTUM
Ok. Goodnight. JAY
Goodnight,
(pause)
Fuck, its crowded in here. ARGENTUM
Two's company, yo. THREE'S a
motherfuckin' crowd. JAY
Ok. ARGENTUM
Ok JAY
Goodnight. ARGENTUM
Goodnight. FADE OUT.
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