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Still More Advice
2006-07-26 - 18:09


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[ed. note:  Despite begging and pleading from the editorial desk, Argentum seeks to persevere as an advice columnist.]

DEAR MARGO: I've dated my fiance for the last year and a half. She is 27, and I am 35. When I asked her to marry me, we were in her favorite restaurant. She didn't say yes right away because she said there was a secret she had to tell me to make sure that I still wanted to marry her. 
The secret was that she'd been in the adult entertainment business. I figured maybe she stripped while in college. She told me that was not it. We went back to her place, and she explained that she'd made some movies. She pulled out a tape and played it for me. I was totally shocked; my beautiful girlfriend was not what she appeared to be.

We've made love many times and I could not believe what I was seeing. She was a transsexual. I got up and turned it off so hard I almost knocked the TV over. My girlfriend was crying, and through her tears tried to explain that she loved me and only did it for the money to pay for the reassignment surgery. I could not believe what I was hearing.

I screamed at her and called her all kinds of names, which was totally out of character for me. I left and have not talked to her for the last two weeks. She's called several times and left e-mail messages to get together and talk. I am still in love with her. I miss her. But I feel that I have been lied to and deceived. Can we have a future together? -- SURPRISED AND DECEIVED

SURPRISED--Um...dump this fucked up bitch.  What are you, stupid? 

Ok, nothing against the transgendered.  (And nothing against pornstars, either, for that matter.)  I mean, of course she's going to lie to you about the transgenderment, because she's going to be afraid that you would respond unkindly.  Same with the porn career.

But, really, this conversation needed to take place awhile ago.  And to have her tie up her porn career with the transgenderment seems a little too tidy.  Who knows what else is going on here. 

The transgender issue is one thing, with its own set of issues, that, maybe, if she had discussed this with you earlier, you might have had a handle on things by now.  But that AND a porn career adds up to more baggage than you want to deal with, and frankly I doubt your ability to handle it.  Can you handle with marrying a transgendered person and all that entails?  Can you marry a pornstar and deal with all the baggage that entails? 

If so, then have a ball.

Something tells me a dipshit like you can't handle all of that.  Not that you're a bad guy, but who the fuck needs advice on something like this?  Get your head out of your ass and smell the fresh air, you clingy asshole.  And you are clingy, and have some personal issues of your own to look into if you couldn't spot hers by now, plus are unwilling to let go after being rudely, rudely RUDELY deceived.  This isn't a challenge to you and your ability to cope with her shit.  Its just straight up common sense, dickface.

There are more fish in sea.  Let this freaky cod go.   

Dumbass.  (Guys?!  Guys!?  I just found out my girlfriend is a transgendered ex-pornstar!  Whatever shall I do? ... WTF is WRONG with you?

DEAR ABBY: Until recently, I lived happily in my apartment complex. All that changed when some neighbors moved in. "Greg" and his girlfriend, "Suzy," smoke what I believe is marijuana. I let the landlord know, and she had a talk with them. Of course they denied everything and swore that they do not smoke anything in their room. The landlord then spoke to me and said there is not much he can do about the problem.

Abby, the smell is terrible. My closet abuts the area in which they smoke, and my clothing is permeated. People have asked me if I smoke dope. I tell them I don't, and leave it at that.

My concern is that I will be working for a school district soon and I'm afraid my colleagues may think the same thing, and it will put me in a bad light with the school administration. My neighbors smoke 24/7, and I don't know what other options I have. My landlord says they have to be caught in the act. Have you any advice? Please keep this strictly anonymous because I'm afraid of retribution. -- SMOKED OUT IN TEXAS
 

Its uptight assholes like you, SMOKED, that make the world a stressful place to live.

Yeah, you got stoners next door. I really doubt people are asking you if you smoke dope.  I also really doubt that your clothes are permeated with it.  I think you're just a busy-body that likes to get into other people's shit, rather than leave them alone.

Get a better job, move.  Learn to leave other people the fuck alone, you republican voting soccer-mom wanna-be.  Nice, another pror-suburbanite breeder trying to tell the rest of the population how to live. 

Seriously, I doubt there are air vents in your fucking closet.  That makes no sense.  Smoke doesn't magically travel through walls, either.  You're making shit up, imagining things to justify your outrage, so you can rationalize attempting to control other's behavior to shore up your sagging sense of self-worth.  Spend more time on yourself, you shallow fuck, and less on the people around you.

You can't avoid your issues forever.


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