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And yet more advice before/after
[Ed. note: After achieving a modicum of peace at a local inter-tribal Indian pow-wow, Argentum insists on continuing to give unsolicited advice, telling the editorial desk that he's responding to a "higher calling".]
DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about the number of teens who write to you about whether or not to have sex. I am a mother of four, and I'm only 22. My first child was born when I was 14. Only two of my biological children live with me, and I have taken my stepdaughter in as my own.
Teens everywhere should be educated about sex and the
consequences of having sex at a young age. Many parents
still do not have "the talk" with their children --
leaving it up to the educational system, which is
inadequate in this area.
I would like to urge teen parents to volunteer at local schools to educate these teens about what "might" happen. I see more and more teens every day heading down the road I went down, and it scares me. I was lucky that I now have the chance to further my education and provide a stable life for my children, which, I might add, did not happen until I was already the mother of two and 18 years old. I had to give one child up for adoption, and it was heart-wrenching. To teens out there, PLEASE do not be like me. You might not be as lucky as I was. -- WISER NOW IN THE U.S.A. Jesus Christ, woman, its a vagina, not a clown car. Lay off your rutting just for a moment, please. (with apologies to Jeffery Ross) They have a word for women like WISER who have two children before the age of 18: skank. If you don't want to be considered a skank, or 'damaged goods' before the age of twenty, use birth control. Thanks for the sanctimonious testimony. I'm sure you somehow pedaled your tawdry wares to a sugar daddy and that's how you've kept your head above water and are able to get an education. I'm not sure how much this guy or girl makes, but I hope its a lot, because you're starting out life waaaay, waaaay waaaaaaay the fuck behind. --Argentum
DEAR ABBY: For nearly 30 years, I believed my marriage
to be rock solid. Imagine my shock, disbelief and pain
when my husband announced he no longer loved me and
wanted out of our marriage. And, although he initially
denied her existence, he married the other woman soon
after our divorce became final.
With our children grown, there
was no reason for us to remain
in contact, even though we live
within a few miles of each
other. From the time he left, my
ex made it clear that the break
was to be complete. I haven't
seen him for years and have
never met his new wife.
One of our children married recently and the festivities brought my former spouse and me into contact. We were cordial but restrained in each other's company. Given the years that have passed and the nature of our reunion, I was surprised at the obvious insecurity shown by his wife. Now he is calling me. His calls always have a purpose, though the reasons are flimsy. They are increasingly warm and friendly. I can't say that I don't enjoy them, but I'm beginning to feel a little uncomfortable about their frequency. I don't know if this is because of my own possible dormant feelings or repugnance at the thought of ever becoming "the other woman." I asked him if his wife knew he called. He side-stepped giving me a direct answer. Now I'm in a real pickle. It would be nice to have some measure of friendship, but a renewed relationship with my ex also scares me. I can't talk to my children or friends about this. I'd appreciate some advice. -- OLDER BUT NOT WISER Dear NOT WISER, Fuck him, then send the dirty, stained panties to his new woman with a note that says "how does my cunt taste, bitch?". Your Friend, Argentum
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-something male who is madly in love
with my girlfriend. That being said, I do have one
concern. She dated a friend of mine for a short while
prior to dating me. Their relationship was physically
intimate, something I have reserved for only our
relationship.
In short, I am having trouble facing my friend. Can you advise me how to get over my discomfort at the physical nature of their relationship? She was never promiscuous. Her one "indiscretion" happens to be my good friend. -- TRYING TO GET OVER IT Indiscretion? She fucked ONE GUY. Get over it ya' fuckin' prude! And its sure as hell not your buddies fault. Don't even think that. Maybe you're reading something in his countenance that's not there. Or maybe he's leering at her, and has the patriarchal bullshit macho feelings that he's "one up on you". In which case he's an asshole. In either case, its about how you feel and what you can deal with. Figure out what you can deal with, and what you can't, and go from there. Maybe it is an awkward situation, maybe its in your head. If there's nothing there egging you on, then its you and your issues. So, here's what you do: buy lots of booze, and have your friend over for a few beers. Make sure everyone gets drunk, then do a threesome. When she's on her hands and knees in-between you, slap a high-five over her with your bro'. Make sure you switch ends periodically. Do that and you'll get over those jealousy feeling fast. Otherwise, stop being such a pussy. A girl's past mean's nothing. Its all about how she treats you in the here-and-now.
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