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Just Lemme' Sleep, Man.
2006-03-03 - 5:17 p.m.


before/after
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Man.  Whatta' buncha' bullshit.


Drifter in the neighborhood, peeping in windows, rifling through garbage cans. 


This is highly unusual.  So, instead of a guitar in the guitar rack next to my bed, I have a shotgun.  I'm pretty easy going, and anymore I don't want to hurt a soul.  But the thought of someone breaking in pisses me right off.


Doesn't take much to get me paranoid, that's for sure.  I used to be hypervigilant for years, never sleeping well.  Part of it has something to do with Dad scooping me out of bed and pinning me against the wall of my bedroom one snowy night because I didn't have my term paper done.  I think it was four in the morning.  They called off school in the morning.  A rough draft was supposed to be due.


I worked like a motherfucker that night, compiling most of the term paper in a few hours.  Amazing what kind of motivation someone choking the shit out of you straight out of a deep sleep can do for you when analyzing english literature.


In fairness, he pinned my throat shut with his forearm and then, after a bit let off, even apologizing for it.


I could tell he felt bad about it later.  I brought up how well my outline and grade turned out, and he hung his head, mumbling something about "how I should feel good about that,".


I don't think he ever came right out and said he made a mistake or apologized for it.  I'm not really sure how I feel about it, other than to say that I don't hold too much of a grudge, if any.  But I am particular if someone decides to lay their hands a bit too roughly on me, or violate the sanctitiy of my sanctuary.


Then there was that dipshit girl I lived with for a short while in college.  I woke up several times to see her staring at me like a psycho.  At least it wasn't awkward.


I mean, hell, what do you say to a freak like that?  I suspect she wanted me to fuck her...she left her laundry about with her devil-red panties laid out plainly like a hint.  Always looked at my cock when she was in my presence.  Stuff like that.  But I was dating a great girl at the time who really satisfied me.  Besides, when it comes to girls, you want to trade UP, not DOWN to a whole new, and likely larger bag of problems.


I mean fuck, I've dealt with it all, but starting out on that psychotic of a footing will only portend deeper trenches to be descended into later on in the relationship.  It never gets better, only worse.  If you're into crazy, that is.


And who isn't into a little crazy from time to time?  There's a reason why they're good in bed:  they HAVE to be.


But really, the end truth is that we all have little control over who we are attracted to and why.  It happens, like animals, and soon we are making the beast with two backs for little or no rational reasons other than a look, a turn of the phrase, or just the right touch at the right time.  There is only so much science to it, and so much art, but it all ends up the same way.


Just find some crazy you can put up with.


And I drove up north to fix the heater today.  Freak late season snowstorm dropped a big twelve inches here.


Snowstorm has totally fucked up my plans for the weekend.


But a drifter?  What the fuck?


I need to live in an airlocked vault inside a fortified compound with armed guards.


And dogs.  Lots of slavering dobermans and rotwielers. 


And wolves.  Packs of wolves.  Mutant wolves that howl loudly and scare the neigbors, but know enough not to eat the peasants. 


Peasants?  Whoops!  I meant peacocks, but sure, we can have some peasants living in the town on my ranch.


Yes.  They will leave the peacocks alone, but rove through the town on my ranch in the Utah mountains.  The stories will fly  about the crazy bastard that lives in the tower in the castle on the mountain as the peacocks trill into the night strutting about, showing their plumage off to each other, and the peasants will send virgins up to my altar to appease me.  My depredations will be legendary, enough to make deSade blush, AND NO ONE WILL INTERRUPT MY GODDAM SLEEP EVER AGAIN.


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